Day 583 - Dance till you drop

Last night was my bachelorette, a silly but necessary component of the modern bride's trip down the aisle.....okay, maybe not necessary but I can not imagine not having one.

For the purpose of being completely honest I shall tell you that my brain is fried. I am tired, I was drinking and as much as I am not hung over and wasn't drunk, I most certainly am finding it difficult to put words together this morning. Please ignore the choppy manner by which I relay the night to you.

timeline? Sure.... informal...choppy, perfect for a morning after blog entry.

• My maid of honor showed in the am to come with me to my make-up appointment. I had booked it for the bachelorette day so I could see how the make up held up through a full day. If it was successful and looked good I would have them do my make-up the wedding day. It was a success. 
• We returned home to wait for our "extra guest". The bachelorette was to be the bridal party plus one although later it was plus two. Unfortunately one of my bridesmaids found herself ill the night before so she was not able to make it to the bachelorette. :( But we will have to abduct her for another day out! A post-wedding celebration! 
• With our "extra guest" in tow we headed out to lunch at my friend's restaurant. I'm hoping to have our rehearsal dinner at the same location. 
• After lunch it was off to have a mani-pedi with the girls. We met up with my sister (other bridesmaid) at this point and the four of us laid back and got pampered. okay, perhaps 3 of us, my sister apparently does not find the pedicure process very pampering. We got a kick out of her squirming during the process though. 
• After this we ran back to my place to gather our gear for the night and pick up the plus 2. 
• At my sisters place we started the night with a sexy and the city party. Even cooler than I could have imagined. :) Won some awesome prizes too! 
• Then garlic fingers, penis cake and more booze. Followed by a trip to the club. 

I can say this for dancing or at least heading out to a club for a bachelorette, at least for me, is a very different atmosphere than just going out to the club. I couldn't quite peg it last night but looking back this morning I think a biggest thing is that your upcoming wedding is at the front of your mind the whole time. Not necessarily stressing you but perhaps distracting you or maybe even just adding an element to the moment. When you are going out dancing you are just going out dancing and to everyone around you that is the same fact. But when you go out for a bachelorette you are going out dancing to celebrate the end of your single life. Typically this involves some tell tale jewelry which results not only in free cover but also in congratulations from complete strangers and oohs and awws from girls who want to see your ring through their beer goggles. I had expected DJ's to be a little more attentive which at first was not the case. But when we switched bars or at least sections of the bar to another DJ he was a lot quicker to provide the tunes requested! Although, oddly enough for a bar scene, neither DJ had Shots - LMFAO something I've heard almost every time I've been out in the past year. But they did have Maneater - Nelly an older tune that my sister and I used to dance/drink to years ago. Just after that they played Low - Flo Rida a song which came out when I was pregnant and couldn't dance/drink to it at a club.
I think one of my favorite songs that the first DJ played was I will survive - Gloria Gaynor oddly enough a song I can't really stand ... I don't hate it, I just ... don't listen to it. If it is on an ipod I press skip. It's just...it is a theatrical song that you have to be in a theatrical mood to listen to. Sure enough, I dragged my Maid of Honor up unto the speakers and we belted it out to no one in particular and each other of course. So maybe it is a song I might at some point request in the future when out. Just a fun drinking out with the girls song apparently. Not a frequent one though, I put it on just now to see if I had a new love for it. I don't, in fact I'm about to turn it off when I finish this paragraph. However, it at least now has a memory to connect to it that will make me smirk when I think of me doing the running man on the speaker in my six inch heels while I told no one in particular to "go on now go! Walk out the door!" something I didn't realize was quite as dangerous until I did it sober last night. Those speakers have just enough space all around them for a heel to slip down and break a leg. Yikes, had I been drunk I think I might have injured myself quite badly! But I also wouldn't have been doing the running man on a speaker in 6" inch heels were I drunk. Nope...not a chance! 

OH another highlight of the night was that in the beginning on all the speakers there was a large group of people who were doing the same dance moves and getting the crowd in on it. They'd switch it up as if they were giving a fitness class or dance lesson. It was quite amusing. Although I didn't join in necessarily I did enjoy the random participation of the rest of the room.
Another would be this drunk girl who was loooooaadddedd t-rexing it all night. just back and forth with her trashed buddy up on the stage. she'd t-rex to one end of the room, sweep her hand through her hair then t-rex back to the other end. Ocassionally she'd switch it up by putting her hands on her hips and doing a move which can only be compared to the fresh prince doing Jump on it in high speed and then regaining balance to t-rex back to the other side of the room.

By the end of the night we were just getting goofy and having silly fun. I even tried to get a lapdance from a poor sap. All in good fun of course and didn't expect him to nor would I have let it go on for long, I guess you could say it was just me having fun at someone else's expense and seeing if they had the balls to put on a show for fun. When he didn't we just did ourselves, everything from mocking our t-rexing girl from the other bar to a quick spurt of thriller and then just random shit we named or associated with people or activities.

All around, a great night, and when I came home and curled up with my hubby-to-be it suddenly felt soooo real once more. He said the same, with all those last little details coming to a close it feels like that wedding is coming up. Which is good, since it is 29 days away! Now if only I could help his pen hit paper so he could finish start his vows! ;) 

See below the fold for a few pictures. Mind you there is a synthetic penis so this is not for the sensitive and/or virginal eyes. No babies, NSFW and don't come complaining to me when you walk away laughing.

<3 your happy hippie bride

Day 535 - Guest lists are for wussies

When I started the "engaged" chapter of my life I received many congrats and even more advice. The one piece of advice I received the most is the one piece of advice I scoffed at the most. Here are some statements I heard about guest lists over the past 535 days:

"Oh the guest list! What a pain! Try not to put too much of your heart into it because most people won't appreciate your consideration in the end."  

"About 90% will RSVP attending and about 60% of those will actually show up. What a waste of your money! I wish you luck." 

"My guest list caused me so much trouble I wish I had just eloped." 

"I don't regret my wedding or having gone through with it. I do wish I had had a potluck wedding and just put it out there that whoever the hell wanted to show could show. But I'm sure that would have pissed someone off too. You can't win with the guest list so don't try."

"Guest list? I threw out some names and hoped for the best. I ended up having mostly people neither me nor my husband knew there. I'd say of our guest list 30% were people we had invited and the rest were friends that those guests had invited without telling us!" 

"Oh what a headache! If you ever need proof that you can't please everyone you'd find it in the guest list at a wedding. In fact I am pretty sure you can displease most with a guest list. Everyone feels entitled or overlooked no matter what you do. Just don't expect anyone to show and thank everyone that does come, whether you invited them or not." 

"Guest lists and seating charts. They still haunt me and we've been married for 10 years now! I remember paying close attention to where I sat everyone because both our families were in year long fights. After all my painful efforts to ensure everyone got a seat next to someone they cared about it was horrible. People showed that we had not invited, the people who were to sit between those who hated each other ... they didn't show. And what's worse is that people stood around at the seating chart fighting rather than taking their seats away from each other. If I could do it over again I'd have just a simple ceremony, blow everyone a kiss and hop in a limo headed for the airport!" 

I never listened. I always said, "oh no... that won't happen to me. I'm going to make sure." I convinced myself that these brides just weren't as organized as me. I convinced myself that they had gone in with extra assumptions or hadn't stood firm on their desires for their wedding day. In some cases I may have been right. But when I offer advice for the next bride to be it's going to be this, "The moment you begin your guest list make sure you have a prescription for Valium because every time that phone rings you are going to look at the caller id in fear that it is his family or yours calling to tell you how you did them wrong, how you failed them, how they are far more important than anyone else on your guest list."

Perhaps the most surprising part for me is just how entitled a lot of guests can get. They all have some reason why they feel they are more important than anyone else on your guest list and because of that they should be allowed to:
RSVP at the last minute, invite 3 extra guests without telling you, change their mind 3 or 4 times, call you at midnight to insist you should have some other meal options or better yet tell you, "I know that you are offering fish or vegetarian but we've been friends for years, so I know you won't mind making mine a juicy steak!"
Yes... they are serious, they believe that above all others they are the most important person at your wedding. Maybe even more important than you!

The good news is this, I also heard plenty of drama stories about bridal parties being nasty and all about themselves. I have to say that although a handful of guests have made the whole experience interesting my bridal party have been strong and true through the entire 535 days and then some.

Better yet they each have their roles in keeping me from sending anthrax out with some extra invites to more snotty guests. I have to say I have the perfect balance of nice and firm with my bridal party.

Maid of honor - She's the super sweet one when it comes to family. Whenever a guest is a family member she is there to keep me soft when I need to be soft and feel like throwing daggers. But she is also willing to nod when the family member is being crazy and say, "nope, you are allowed to throw daggers at that one. Ax that invite!"

Bridesmaids - I have one bridesmaid who is family and she is the one who knows without any backstory what I grew up with. Therefore when I have a dilema that needs immediate advise without taking the time to explain a backstory it would be her I call. My other Bridesmaid has already been a bride and knows a bit about the planning fun and the wedding drama. Through her I channel my etiquette concerns through her and ask what she did in certain situations.

Best Man - He's not just David's best man he's both of our best man! Aside from David he's the only man that's been around since the beginning and still is. He's been around more than my own family (which isn't saying much but still) he's the one I call when I am frusterated with David and need an ear I know won't hold it against David. He's also the one I call when I need the opposite reaction from my Maid of Honor. My Maid of Honor is the softy with family and sometimes you need someone who is tough. He is less likely to soften for just anyone and so I know when he does that maybe I should loosen up on them a little bit.

As per my posts from the past, if it weren't for my bridal party I think there would be a few shallow graves or at the very least the guest list would be a fraction of what it is. I don't regret any of this, I just wish some of my guests would stop and realize this wedding is about us and that's not them! I guess my advice would not be for a future bride-to-be but instead to her guests. My advice is:

Dear Guest,
When you feel looked over, second-fiddle or unappreciated stop and ask yourself: "How big is her guest list? How many people is she trying to please right now?" And when you find yourself feeling upset that you have to spend $200 on a hotel just to go to her wedding and you feel she should pay for your accommodations or give you a steak instead of a haddock, ask yourself: "How much money did she put into this wedding so everyone could have a good time? Can I afford to go? Should I send a nice present instead of going and talk to her personally so she knows it's nothing personal but that I can't afford $200 plus travelling cost?" If you find yourself thinking, "they won't mind if I bring my best friend. After all I am their cousin/friend of 6 years/father/mother/sister/brother/uncle/aunt/ex-boyfriend and/or I am travelling a long distance to attend their wedding." perhaps you should ask yourself, "How many of their guests have they been friends with for a long time? How many of their guests are traveling a long distance? How many of their friends are family of some way or another? If all of us feel the same entitlement to bring uninvited guests how many uninvited guests will be at their wedding?"

As a bride-to-be all we ask is for a little patience, understanding and respect. Be patient if we don't get to you right away when you send us a message about our wedding. Understand that we can't give everyone everything they want and respect that in some cases we don't give everyone everything they want because it's not what we want for our wedding! Give us this and we will do our very best to do the same at your wedding if you invite us. We are sorry if your haddock is too dry on the wedding day, we didn't cook it, but we did pay for it so you could have something to eat. We are sorry you prefer red wine and we ordered white. We don't like wine at all but ordered something we thought our guests might enjoy or be grateful for. We are sorry we didn't get to give you a one-on-one dance, there was only time for 40 dances and we had 80 guests. Please, before you get upset, ask yourself if you are being singled out or if in fact you are expecting a tad too much from one person.


Thank you so much in advance,
<3 your hippie bride...she is trying.

Day 358 - That was easy!

I was absolutely thrilled to have all my girls in one spot at once. as much as each may not be as close to the other as much as I am close to each of them it really is so nice to have them all together. 

As it turns out I will have one less bridesmaid than initially anticipated but it is with no drama and without heavy heart. I know it is for the best considering her current changes in life and where life is taking her. We are still great friends and will still be in touch. I'm glad she was honest with herself and I when I brought it up because I would have hated for her to put down a hefty deposit and then regret it later.

As far as picking the dress goes, it was actually really easy. All the girls agreed on one dress and although the original plan was for the maid of honor to have a different color combination than the bridesmaids they all loved the same combo. So instead we will make something else personal, perhaps a different color on her bouquet etc. 

girls in deep though (42)

It has been decided! 

 After dress shopping was complete it was off with my Maid of Honor to do some more bridal accessory shopping. With our daughters in tow of course. My daughter found this adorable lace umbrella and then gestured for the rain to come down.

 

<3 your hippie bride

Day 127 - Hippie says yes to the dress

Today was amazing. Those who know me know that I don't have family I have family drama. I have no parents (by choice) and only 1 sister. Although my family is biologically a 6 person gathering the actual family of mine is just two people. Myself and my sister (who is also a bridesmaid). It took many years for me to fully accept this and begin the healing process. In that time I have made some very dear friends. In the past 4 years I began saying, "Friends are the family you choose." Never has this felt more true than when planning my wedding.
Instead of a mother to brood over my decisions and hear me cry over small insignificant tiffs with my fiancé I have mama Jer (our best man) to listen to and offer a shoulder for my tears. Instead of a surrounding family of sisters excited for my wedding I have one bio sister and 3 others who I couldn't imagine life without. I have the logical one who lives in an organized chaos. I have the deep one who, like me, enjoys studying body language and different human behavior and I have the wild one who is as quiet as a mouse but as dangerous as a cheetah! ;p
Together they form my crazy family.
I gathered this family together today and went to the bridal shop. One bridesmaid had to work so although she wasn't there this time she had seen the dress and gave it her vote! Of the other 3 bridesmaids one had seen the dress in person and the other had seen it in photos. My best man had also seen it in photographs and so it was only my biological sister left to see it.
The plan was we would each select one dress and she would not know which one was the actual dress. She would know it wasn't the one she had picked of course but by picking one she would also be adding to the options she would then be picking from.
As I said before, I knew that a bride can get caught up in the moment and love the dress because it's in her budget and it's pretty but not because it's HER dress. Since I had already proven this before I was determined to ensure this was my dress beyond a shadow of a doubt.
We started by running around picking all our dresses. While we waited for the consultant to become available we paraded around picking out possible bridesmaids dresses. I wanted the same consultant that had initially picked out the dress for me. Once she (michelle) became available it was onward for the barrage of bridal. Everyone had cameras it seemed and before the dress trying began I laughed with two cameras in my face I said, "I feel like I'm on a TLC reality show." I enjoy editing together video of the important moments in life and so having the multiple angles to work with made it something special. I enjoyed not only being able to capture the dresses but also the people who were there to enjoy the day with me as well.

And although one of my bridesmaid couldn't make it, I later cropped in some photographs and made sure she was included in the video. Of course my fiancé wasn't there either so I had a few photos of him thus including my entire family. I have uploaded the video to my facebook page and for the first million times I watched it I teared up!
After all the dresses were tried on I put on and stood in THE dress and the discussion began. One dress was a close second but it was super heavy. Another I found had too many things going on and thus was shoved in the scarlett o'hara pile. Another, although gorgeous, was too blunt for my sister. Something that didn't even bother me while IN the dress but upon review of the video I see what she was speaking of and is an example of why others input is so important when you are surrounded by bridal glow.
There I stood, in the dress I felt best represented what I had always imagined for my wedding day next to another beautiful dress that is gorgeous on me but was more for a big church wedding than for what I have planned.
It was agreed by everyone quietly that the dress I was wearing was absolutely my dress. But it wasn't until one of my bridesmaid brought tears to my tired, stressed eyes that everyone knew for sure that this was my dress. She began talking about how long I'd been planning and all that I could think of was everything I'd gone through to get to this point in life. All the trials and tribulations I had endured to bring me to the safety of these friends. The people who had hurt me and made me who I was and how now I left only room for loving people such as these. Leaving me overwhelmed and wimpy I bawled like a baby without it's blankie.
And thus the dress was decidedly chosen. Now the concern left is that I have another 20 lbs to lose before I'm completely happy. I sure hope the dress still fits in a year.

Day 87 - You think I'm what?!

I'm now down 18.8 lbs and feeling smaller all the time. My friends wedding is coming up in a few days and I desperately need something appropriate to wear! I decided to go try to find something sexy yet formal for a winter wedding. While shopping for the dress I always knew I needed a new bathing suit for Jenny's daughter's birthday party at the pool the next day.

While shopping for the dress I asked for assistance. I explained I was trying to find something that said, "look at all the weight I have lost! Now look back at the bride please!" She held up an XLG and said, "This one is nice" and then gave me a sad face and said, "But it only comes in a small." I dropped my jaw, put my hand on my hip and said, "That's an XLG! And why don't you think I'd fit in a small. Or that particular XLG you're holding?!" She blushed and said, "oh sorry, the hanger is labeled wrong. I thought, "Even so, that dress could wrap around me three times!"

Maybe I'm not as small as I think I am. I decided, for the moment, to focus on the bathing suit. I also decided to grab some more tights. I put on my ensemble in the changing room and laughed outloud. My bridesmaid, Ryan, who was shopping with me asked what was so funny. I snapped this picture and explained, "I look like one of those girls from the 80's aerobic videos.

Later I did find a sexy knit dress at another store but nothing really shook the fact that she held up this huge dress and gave me a piteous look that it would never fit me.