Day 201 - first heartbreak

No one said it was going to be easy. Sticking to a budget means giving in here and making compromises there. Sometimes it means forgoing something entirely.
Today I was in e-mail communication with the co-ordinator at the venue I'd fallen in love with. I was asking a few more questions regarding pricing and planning when I mentioned how I'd trimmed my guest list down so as to fit the venue within my budget. She slashed my dreams when she returned with this e-mail (censored appropriately)

Hi Bwings,

Along with our wedding packages we also offer reception packages that are less expensive.  It's the difference between a full dinner or a stand up reception.

Please note that we won't book the ________ Ballroom with less than 100 people.  We do require a minimum of $3000.00 in food revenue ($30.00 per person for 100 people) in order to book this room.

If you are looking at 50 people, we could certainly look at booking part of our alternate Ballroom.
Cheers for now,

Slightly injured but not ruling out the alternate ballroom I responded asking if there were photographs of the alternate ballroom. She returned appologizing that there were no photographs of that room. She then admitted that if someone has already seen the ballroom that I had viewed that there really was no comparison. And then my heart was broken. I added and subtracted for the next fifteen minutes and just couldn't rationalize the cost of the venue of my dreams over the wedding I'd always wanted. The deposit was $1000 which, although manageable, we do not comfortably have right now. The minimum revenue made it necessary that we have 100 guests which meant we would no longer be alienating anyone. However we would arrive in paper bags since that's all we could afford. A minimum revenue of $3000 plus tax of 15% and gratuity of 16% meant we'd be looking at $4000. Add in the socan fee to permit a dance that's another $60 and then there is the bartender fee if bar sales are less than $300 of $75 for 4 hours and $15 for each additional hour. We would be looking at roughly $4200 leaving us with $800 for our venue!!! I teared up a little right then and there I have to admit.
Time to reassess the situation with David. .... But.... bbbuutttt I want to see the curvature of the earth. :'(

After showing the figures to David and choking back the tears we scrapped the beautiful wedding venue and are back to square one. In the end it does not matter where the wedding is as long as I'm marrying my best friend.

It was time to send out massive amounts of e-mails. This time I included in my list of questions for the venue co-ordinators "Do you require a minimum revenue to secure your location?" In an effort to cheer myself up I tried to rewrite a holiday carol into a wedding song. "Just hear those wedding bells jinglin', ring ting tinglin' too! Come on it's lovely weather for a wedding day together with you! ... umm... Giddy up Giddy up Giddy up let's go?"

I hadn't realized just how many wedding venues required a mimimum revenue. I know it makes sense but you would think if they were going to charge a minimum revenue they would put that somewhere on their cost list. Or at the very least they would revise the cost to say, "$3000 to book the room. This covers meals for up to 100 people. $30 for each additional person." Then you know you are paying for the room and not the food. What a pain! At this point I just want to give up and elope in a really pretty already paid for dress!!!

Just as I gave up I passed the laptop to David who was quietly minding his own. SMACK laptop hits his lap. He nervously questioned, "What...is this for?" I said, "if you want to marry me you're going to have to find the venue because I can't find anything!"

What does the bugger do? He opens google enters the exact same search I had entered and opened the first window I'd already opened. He scanned and I scoffed he smile and I shook my head. Finally he spoke up, "This one here seems like it might work." I rolled my eyes with my arms crossed tightly around my chest, "Yeah, I already looked at it. I can't remember what was wrong with it but something wasn't right."

He read over the description of cost and it ended up being a lack of something. A lack of words that made me feel as though there were strings attached. Upon contacting the staff we discovered there were no strings attached. Well, it must be a horridly ugly place! He returned with, "Actually my boss got married there and a co-worker said it was a really nice place."

Still seemed to good to be true and with my heart already so vulnerable from the last venue I skeptically scheduled an appointment to view it on the 14th. We'll see then what the location holds for us. Until then, my heart weeps for the most beautiful venue I've ever seen. 

Day 181 - I've seen the curvature of the earth!

The guest list has now entered his dreams evidently. Earlier yesterday he had commented on how he felt I was looking thinner. I didn't comment then but later in bed I asked him what had made him notice. His answer will make you snicker.
Him - I don't know if it was from the address book or something but you chose female guest.
Me - I chose female guest?
Him - ummhmmmm
Me - Why don't I have my camera on?
Him - MMMMM you're sexy! *snore*

Today, flustered with David, I grabbed the beast and went for a busride together. We had no destination in mind, out was the plan. While the bus rounded a corner I saw one of the venues on my list of places to look into. I pulled the cord and we were off. As the elevator climbed I thought about what colors and views the room would hold for me.

I am here to tell you, I have fallen in love. I am scared to even ask the price. There is no way I can afford this view, this absolutely, fabulous view!

But I had to ask. I took the information and tonight David and I will set down and hash over our guest list. Trimming the fat to see if we can minimalize the guest list in order to maximize the view! So beautiful!
I am thusly trimming the list and preparing the "sorry" lists. I wish I could invite everyone but if I am to be able to afford this venue I will need to cut back drastically.

Day 173 - Sparkle sparkle

After much browsing and frustration we finally have our rings picked out. 

There were two variations of mine. I like the second one more, however it was not within our budget. The positive spin on this is that we could upgrade my set later by just exchanging and paying off the difference. 

David wanted to integrate black in his ring, he managed to do this through the aide of black diamonds. 

I wanted my rings to fit together like a puzzle with a certain amount of sparkle and shine to them. I did this with this beautiful bridal set, captured with a terrible photo :p 

Day 117 - Save the Date

It was a bit scary to do it but I've decided that we can make this work. So today I bundled up my wallet and shoved it to the bottom of my purse. Thus forcing inconvenient digging when spending is desired and saving me a dollar here and there. Well... my purse is actually about the same size as my wallet, so in reality I did this just in my head. However, I did send out my save the date video to all whom I intend to invite. 

It felt good to get it done and true to our style to send them out in youtube/video format. Done as a teaser I show all the dresses I have tried on up until now and end with a "to be continued" attitude. See the video above.

So success sandwich? I've had success with officially setting the date. No success in making Jer the marrying type...or at least the type to marry us. I discovered it is no longer permitted in our province to have a friend made officiant for the day. LAME!

However, I am now down 22.1 lbs! So... altogether not bad. Save the dates *check* Guest list tided up *check* wedding dress picked out *check* Down to last ten pounds *check* Solved first bridezilla crisis with rational and logical thinking *check* Saved money? *empties pockets and faints* lol

Seriously though, not bad overall. 

Day 10 - MEN!

What is with men?! Not all men, I don't like to stereotype but if my romantic, loving man can be so uninvolved in a wedding there certainly must be a lot of other men.

He is glad to be getting married but asking him to look at two cake samples and he acts as though you told him to bend over and cough. I love him, I do, I just worry that I might slap him a little in his sleep and deny knowing where the bruises came from in the morning. "I swear, I had this dream that you were hovering over me and gave me a whack on the arm!" "Oh sweetheart, that's silly! Now, could you take a peak at these two photos, do you want the white daisies or the pink?"

Outside of my fiancée's collapse in testosterone this weekend was very successful. We have learned more about our venue, prices and options.

Now I'm torn though, both venues are good in their own ways and a little lacking in luster in other ways.

Venue A Pros:

• Personal and sentimental in it's location
• 2 seconds walking from where we want our wedding photos to be taken
• Would only cost $1500 - $1800 and would include tent set up
• Would not be inside a building but would still remain away from the elements

Venue A Cons:

• The location lacks in beauty and is a bit more military than we ever could be.
• Not sure of how we'd hook up our sound system for walking down the aisle.
• There isn't really an..aisle to walk down.

Venue B Pros:

• It's gorgeous! Absolutely breathtaking! Stone steps leading down a grassy hill to a gazebo on a lake beach. GORGEOUS!
• It would cost $1000 for the wedding, $1500 for the wedding plus the booking of the additional room inside in case of rain. It'd be $2000 if I want them to take photos and $2500 with the extra room and photos. Considering the photographer would cost me $1200-$1500 that potentially saves me $500....if they take nice photos ;) 

Venue B Cons:

• It holds no sentimental value to us what-so-ever
• It's a 27 minute drive from where we want to have our wedding photos taken.
• I'm not sure again how we'd hook up our sound system for walking down the stone path into the gazebo. 

Compared to each other one is personal, one isn't. One is Gorgeous one isn't. As far as price goes they are tied but location not so much. It's tough. When I went to show him the photos of Venue B (he already is familiar with Venue A) he wanted nothing to do with it. Not with the venue mind you, with the pictures. He says, "As long as you're happy" and has the resolve that seeing any pictures would make him quite unhappy. So what is a girl to do? Bitch and moan and insist their fiancée look of course! I'll try him again in a few days. I still have more questions for the operators of said venues. 

Past week one, your hippie bride! <3 

Day 7 - A Rolling Ring Gathers No Moss!

WHOA! What a productive day. It seems the moment I knew my colors would work I moved on. Almost like it was a big speed bump and once past I could just fly! Today started conversation with a friend who would be honored to marry us. What followed was a message to the photographer, conversations with the DJ and planning the venue. Even planning the events of the day so they would work. It is all coming together and we still have so many months to go! 604 days to be precise!

So what did we figure out today? Well to start, it's sounding very reasonable to have our friend marry us which is super exciting. That will make the day that much more personal. The venue is still a bit of a juggle but I feel when we actually go check places out it'll be more final. We may even have our ceremony and reception at one place and simply have it set up while we have our photos taken and then return for the reception. That would make sense right?! Would certainly cost less ;)

I then tracked down the photographer and assuming he does work in my city we have our photographer for a lovely $1200-$1500 (I giggle because Single Ladies - Beyonce just came on my track. The song he was singing all month) My only question and concern for the photographer is does he also do videography? I assume not... but one should never assume. Really though, how can you expect him to be taking photographs of you walking down the aisle if he's manning a video camera? So who will we get to do that?! *STRESSER* I really desire a video of my wedding day, the wedding and our first dance. Some other bits but those are the most important videos I want. We plan on having a special dance for our first dance (it's a surprise) so a videographer is a MUST! :) But I'll figure it out. 604 days left ;)

I sent my old DJ a message and he has expressed he is available to me within our budget. I then asked if he'd mind doing the ceremony as well. We have special songs selected that are not standard piano played songs. He hasn't objected so that'll be grand :)

The colors seemed to be my writers block and now the book is just flying! Honestly, if it weren't for our financial situation we could EASILY send out wedding invitations for this summer. But I want to do this right as it's the only wedding I'm ever going to have! :)

Feel the excitement people!

The only additional things my bombarded fiancée and I have discussed are things like:

• Photographer sharing - I would like the photographer be there when the girls and I are getting ready. Yet I also want photographic memories of his day. The solution? Simple, assuming we are still living in this building I will get ready with the girls in our apartment and he will use another tenants apartment. We are fortunate enough to have a very tight knit community in this building and I am sure the tenants would be more than thrilled to share their dwelling for the day. That way the photographer could simply run back and forth between us which would be no different than going to a room down the hall in a big house! :) We'd have the maid of honors and the best men ensuring that neither bride nor groom exited at the same time. As much as we will likely spend the night together the night before the wedding we will not be seeing each other all dressed up before the wedding.
  
• Soundtrack - Music means a lot to us and it's something we're being very selective of. We have unique entrance music for the wedding party as well as mine. Our exit music and then the entrance to the reception. All of it is planned out :)
  
• Goofy is the new Happy - Just that he's loving how goofy happy I am and I'm loving how quietly full of smiles he's been.
  
• The Groom will not wear pink - "Honey what about this wedding is important to you?" D- "You're happiness. As long as you don't make me look like a complete Jack ass!" I later tested this and with a very serious tone I said, "Honey, I was thinking a Yellow Tux with pink stripes and then a hot pink vest." D - "Excuse me?!" Me - "Yes, I figure if we had a lemon yellow tux with vertical powder pink stripes and then a hot pink vest - " D - "I am not wearing pink!" Me - "Just making sure you'd draw a line! *smiles* Oh by the way, you're wearing a wine colored vest." 

Well I wasn't planning on posting today but it was too productive not to talk about. Now to lose 50lbs in a year! *stress* Hippie Bride

Day 5 - Conversations with "The man"

Ever since we became engaged I've noticed he seems happier. That isn't what you would necessarily expect in these situations, yet he has been smiling every day this week. This is also a little unusual because usually he is down in the dumps this time of year. I'm not complaining, in fact if anything I am touched. If he has become happier based on his being engaged to me I'm flattered!

That's where the surprise ends, lighter spirit or not he's still a man and doesn't care about color samples, wedding party lists, guest lists, dates, venues. As long as I'm happy and don't put him in a ridiculous suit in front of a lot of people he's happy.


Me - "Honey, what do you think of these two colors?" *holding up toenail color next to fingernail color*
Him - *grunts* "they're fine." *returns to what he was doing*
Me - "I'm serious.
Him - "I know you are."
Me - "I like the wine color with the light pink. But what would the men wear?
Him - *shrugs*
Me - "Well, obviously they'd wear the dark one...but then they would all be wearing the same. I don't want to put them in the light pink. What could we do to distinguish the best men from the ushers? Cause you are getting 2 best men you know cause I can't pick between my two maid of honors! It's absolutely not happening!"
Him - *laughing* "I really don't care, whatever makes you happy."
Me - "I'm going to continue to ask you these questions. I don't expect you to get giddy over napkins, calligraphy or invitation samples but I'm going to continue to ask you."
Him - *laughs* "I figured as much."

Me - "So who do you want to be your best man?"
Him - *shrugs*
Me - *makes a few obvious suggestions*
Him - *shrugs*
Me - "Well you have to pick your own best men! I'm not picking your best men, they're yours to abuse! Oh and who do you want to marry us?"
Him - *confused* "Who?!"
Me - "Yeah, it's more personal and would save us money if we had a friend marry us. It's not that hard to become an officiant as far as I know and if we had say Jer marry us I'm sure he wouldn't charge us hundreds of dollars for his services."
Him - "True"
Me - "Then it'd be personal, affordable and non-denominational. Besides, some officiants want you to get married at a specific spot and take couples counseling."
Him - *eye roll*
Me - "So rather than have a stranger marry us I think it'd be sweet to have a friend do it. Any ideas?"
Him - *shrugs*
Me - "I'm going to go do laundry now..."
Him - "k."

Me - "What do you think, assuming it didn't cost too much and it was completely possible, if we got married *insert secret location here*?"
Him - *shows genuine interest* "That would be cool."
Me - "The only thing is that's a public place and I don't know if you can rent it out and if you could how many thousands of dollars would it be. And then it's outside too so if it were to rain we'd have to have tents rented.
Him - *no interest* "true."
Me - "But that's only a couple hundred dollars."
Him - *not listening, just nodding* "It's possible."
Me - "Are you listening any more?"
Him - "Sounds fine."

Poor man, what was he thinking?!

On the positive side for him he's considered a complete romantic at work now, I think that's grand that he's finally recognized for his roots ;)

Well, aside from glancing at colors and trying to wiggle a few wedding party names out of him I've done little towards my wedding today. Oh I lie, I had him take a few photos of me with my ring and the flowers he gave me the day he proposed.

 

Tomorrow is another day, until then, goodnight.

Day 3 - A return to chores

So after a 3 day absence from real life and thus my chores I went into the kitchen today and did all my dishes. Not that there were many, we are a small family. Yet still catching up to my chores with my daughter around and tending to my job as well, it's a full days work. I still have yet to wash the floor since Friday and I think I forgot some laundry in the Dryer on Saturday. *yawn*

Aside from my return to chores there was the forced realization of just how much the phones have been ringing this week...and how much time I've been on them. All three of my phones died spontaneously tonight! GAH!

Another self-realization was that I shouldn't headbang with my daughter no matter how excited I am to be engaged or how cute Willow Smith is. My neck...it kills me right now! I'll leave the hair whipping to my daughter from now on!!!

Lastly I need sleep, I'm getting wedding color inspiration from everything now. Earlier today, while my fiancée was rubbing my sore, whiplashed neck, I saw my painted finger nails and toenails next to each other. My toes have a dark pink wine color and the fingers are a lighter shade of pink. I bragged my flexibility as I lifted my foot over my head and asked him, "Honey, what do you think of these for the wedding colors." Bless him he didn't mock or tease, mostly because he could never lift his foot like that, he simply grunted, "I ah na" and made with the lotion for my shoulders.

I didn't expect to get quite this excited about the prospect of a wedding but now that we've put a title to everything it just seems more real.

I have drawn one conclusion and am glad to be arriving at a level of cynicism I'm more accustomed to. I found myself a little lip-curl when someone said, "So you finally got him to ask the question!" I resent that phrasing. I didn't hold his hand behind his back and demand he propose with my knee pushed into his ribs. When I told him this he laughed and said he obviously didn't get that comment but he would get the, "Finally making an honest woman out of her eh?" Since when were we foul? I didn't realize we stunk of single-life and cheap sex! I thought we were living a pretty wholesome life. Guess I was wrong.

On a serious note I know these people mean well but it's similar to the statement to the pregnant woman who is 2 weeks late, "The baby will come when it wants to." What are they trying to say? My baby doesn't want to meet me?! Thanks! Sometimes "congratulations" is a better turned phrase. ;)

Off to bed 10 minutes early tonight, that is if I can convince myself to stay off the knot shop. 

Later, your hippie bride