Day 560 - RSVP

Today is the first of June which means the time to RSVP has passed. We actually had almost all the RSVP's in. The open dance invites were left with 21 who have not RSVP'd however 8 of those RSVP'd verbally and 1 of those expressed to me yesterday that she would not know until she heard back when her surgery was. There is obvious leniency with the open dance as the restrictions are far less. Still, it's nice to know your numbers by a date with some distance to the wedding.

I hope to see no more drama around this guest list but I am not going to count my chicks before they are hatched. For now I am just going to look forward to the next part, solidifying the vegetarian custom menu, verifying the numbers with the venue, rehearsing our coreographed dance, our stag parties and then marrying my best friend. 52 days to go. :)

<3 your hippie bride 

Day 536 - Musical Chairs

I don't know that you would classify last nights dream as a nightmare or just a restless nights.

You ever have one of those nights where you dream you are studying, cleaning or doing homework all night and wake up feeling as though that is what you did all night instead of sleeping? Well that's what last night was.

There have been some guest list changes, as indicated by my posts over the past few days. With these changes some rearranging must be done for optimum enjoyment. Betty Sue can't sit anywhere near Cousin Sam because he once walked in on her in the shower. *AWKWARD* but Cousin Sam would want to sit near Alfred who is best friends and has flirtations with Betty Sue. Playing the seating arrangement game is similar to Tetris. You are not only trying to place them in the perfect fit but every now and then you have that awkward z shaped guest who only fits in 2 or 3 ideal locations without fudging up the works.

With some guests unable to come now and extra guests having been invited, it's time to play musical chairs. I wasn't too worried about it, thus it not being a nightmare, but it is high on my to-do list and apparently my brain has been processing it.

What amused me most about last nights dream was the combination of seating chart, reserved seats in the front with the possibility of that one surprise guest and the extra guests people keep inviting. This is how it went down.

I had the grooms men at the front with fancy clipboards DIY'd to be pretty and bridal. They would ask the guest for their name, check the list and if they were to sit in a reserved seat then one of the groomsmen without a clipboard would usher them to their seat. If they were simply one side of the room or the other they ushered them to that side of the room and the guest chose their own seat. If they were not on the list it was very high security. "I'm afraid I do not see you here on the list. Are you sure you wouldn't be under another name?" then they would put their finger to their ear and turn their head away from the guest like a presidential security squad and say, "Let me check with our bride. Yes, Gena, we have a Frankie Smith here but I do not see him on the --- uh huh, okay. That's what I thought." turn back to the guest and say, "No I'm sorry sir, you were not invited to this wedding." "But betty sue brought me!" "well I'm afraid Betty Sue has done you an injustice. If you wish here is a map of locations in the city where you can visit for the next 4 hours before the open dance."

Finally the extra special evil guest who not only is not invited but whom we have a peace bond against and has been instructed on several occasions in a formal manner to cease all communication with us. She showed in a video game style episode. It became an arial view of the ceremony location and her weapons showed above her head to let us know that she came armed with a pitchfork, knife and blowtorch. She first began by setting the headtable on fire, immediately put out by the best man as she swung around and lit 4 other tables on fire. Two groomsmen and the groom himself jumped her while the best man began putting out those tables. Meanwhile the Maid of honor were calling the police and they eventually showed to drag her away. It's funny in a sad way that I have had a similar dream about this guest going way back to my childhood. She was such a horrid person my entire life that I used to have dreams of her ruining my wedding back before I had ever been kissed. She would throw wine at me and I always ended up punching her in the face. The biggest change as years have gone by is that she is actually not allowed near me now and I have a group of security officials (tee hee) who will ensure that it does not happen.

Although I have been sent e-mails to tell me that she plans to attend with or without an invite, I am ensuring that does not happen. Perhaps I will start talking about my wedding location and time in detail to throw her off the scent. She won't know whether the location I speak of is the actual location or if I'm tricking her.

By the end of the dream we were trying to make room for guests in our tiny apartment. As we mushed furniture against the wall and rearranged our whopping 6 chairs I said, "wait....we booked a venue to take care of this for us!" and that's when I woke up thinking, "this is so incredibly foolish that it must be a dream.

The end result is me sitting down with my bridal bible and revamping my seating chart. I feel I should turn it into a digital copy so changes can be quicker if necessary. Maybe I will ax my pretty diy seating chart since changes keep being made.

<3 your hippie bride

Day 535 - Guest lists are for wussies

When I started the "engaged" chapter of my life I received many congrats and even more advice. The one piece of advice I received the most is the one piece of advice I scoffed at the most. Here are some statements I heard about guest lists over the past 535 days:

"Oh the guest list! What a pain! Try not to put too much of your heart into it because most people won't appreciate your consideration in the end."  

"About 90% will RSVP attending and about 60% of those will actually show up. What a waste of your money! I wish you luck." 

"My guest list caused me so much trouble I wish I had just eloped." 

"I don't regret my wedding or having gone through with it. I do wish I had had a potluck wedding and just put it out there that whoever the hell wanted to show could show. But I'm sure that would have pissed someone off too. You can't win with the guest list so don't try."

"Guest list? I threw out some names and hoped for the best. I ended up having mostly people neither me nor my husband knew there. I'd say of our guest list 30% were people we had invited and the rest were friends that those guests had invited without telling us!" 

"Oh what a headache! If you ever need proof that you can't please everyone you'd find it in the guest list at a wedding. In fact I am pretty sure you can displease most with a guest list. Everyone feels entitled or overlooked no matter what you do. Just don't expect anyone to show and thank everyone that does come, whether you invited them or not." 

"Guest lists and seating charts. They still haunt me and we've been married for 10 years now! I remember paying close attention to where I sat everyone because both our families were in year long fights. After all my painful efforts to ensure everyone got a seat next to someone they cared about it was horrible. People showed that we had not invited, the people who were to sit between those who hated each other ... they didn't show. And what's worse is that people stood around at the seating chart fighting rather than taking their seats away from each other. If I could do it over again I'd have just a simple ceremony, blow everyone a kiss and hop in a limo headed for the airport!" 

I never listened. I always said, "oh no... that won't happen to me. I'm going to make sure." I convinced myself that these brides just weren't as organized as me. I convinced myself that they had gone in with extra assumptions or hadn't stood firm on their desires for their wedding day. In some cases I may have been right. But when I offer advice for the next bride to be it's going to be this, "The moment you begin your guest list make sure you have a prescription for Valium because every time that phone rings you are going to look at the caller id in fear that it is his family or yours calling to tell you how you did them wrong, how you failed them, how they are far more important than anyone else on your guest list."

Perhaps the most surprising part for me is just how entitled a lot of guests can get. They all have some reason why they feel they are more important than anyone else on your guest list and because of that they should be allowed to:
RSVP at the last minute, invite 3 extra guests without telling you, change their mind 3 or 4 times, call you at midnight to insist you should have some other meal options or better yet tell you, "I know that you are offering fish or vegetarian but we've been friends for years, so I know you won't mind making mine a juicy steak!"
Yes... they are serious, they believe that above all others they are the most important person at your wedding. Maybe even more important than you!

The good news is this, I also heard plenty of drama stories about bridal parties being nasty and all about themselves. I have to say that although a handful of guests have made the whole experience interesting my bridal party have been strong and true through the entire 535 days and then some.

Better yet they each have their roles in keeping me from sending anthrax out with some extra invites to more snotty guests. I have to say I have the perfect balance of nice and firm with my bridal party.

Maid of honor - She's the super sweet one when it comes to family. Whenever a guest is a family member she is there to keep me soft when I need to be soft and feel like throwing daggers. But she is also willing to nod when the family member is being crazy and say, "nope, you are allowed to throw daggers at that one. Ax that invite!"

Bridesmaids - I have one bridesmaid who is family and she is the one who knows without any backstory what I grew up with. Therefore when I have a dilema that needs immediate advise without taking the time to explain a backstory it would be her I call. My other Bridesmaid has already been a bride and knows a bit about the planning fun and the wedding drama. Through her I channel my etiquette concerns through her and ask what she did in certain situations.

Best Man - He's not just David's best man he's both of our best man! Aside from David he's the only man that's been around since the beginning and still is. He's been around more than my own family (which isn't saying much but still) he's the one I call when I am frusterated with David and need an ear I know won't hold it against David. He's also the one I call when I need the opposite reaction from my Maid of Honor. My Maid of Honor is the softy with family and sometimes you need someone who is tough. He is less likely to soften for just anyone and so I know when he does that maybe I should loosen up on them a little bit.

As per my posts from the past, if it weren't for my bridal party I think there would be a few shallow graves or at the very least the guest list would be a fraction of what it is. I don't regret any of this, I just wish some of my guests would stop and realize this wedding is about us and that's not them! I guess my advice would not be for a future bride-to-be but instead to her guests. My advice is:

Dear Guest,
When you feel looked over, second-fiddle or unappreciated stop and ask yourself: "How big is her guest list? How many people is she trying to please right now?" And when you find yourself feeling upset that you have to spend $200 on a hotel just to go to her wedding and you feel she should pay for your accommodations or give you a steak instead of a haddock, ask yourself: "How much money did she put into this wedding so everyone could have a good time? Can I afford to go? Should I send a nice present instead of going and talk to her personally so she knows it's nothing personal but that I can't afford $200 plus travelling cost?" If you find yourself thinking, "they won't mind if I bring my best friend. After all I am their cousin/friend of 6 years/father/mother/sister/brother/uncle/aunt/ex-boyfriend and/or I am travelling a long distance to attend their wedding." perhaps you should ask yourself, "How many of their guests have they been friends with for a long time? How many of their guests are traveling a long distance? How many of their friends are family of some way or another? If all of us feel the same entitlement to bring uninvited guests how many uninvited guests will be at their wedding?"

As a bride-to-be all we ask is for a little patience, understanding and respect. Be patient if we don't get to you right away when you send us a message about our wedding. Understand that we can't give everyone everything they want and respect that in some cases we don't give everyone everything they want because it's not what we want for our wedding! Give us this and we will do our very best to do the same at your wedding if you invite us. We are sorry if your haddock is too dry on the wedding day, we didn't cook it, but we did pay for it so you could have something to eat. We are sorry you prefer red wine and we ordered white. We don't like wine at all but ordered something we thought our guests might enjoy or be grateful for. We are sorry we didn't get to give you a one-on-one dance, there was only time for 40 dances and we had 80 guests. Please, before you get upset, ask yourself if you are being singled out or if in fact you are expecting a tad too much from one person.


Thank you so much in advance,
<3 your hippie bride...she is trying.

Day 529 - Calm waters

It's amazing, a few weeks ago I was stressing about all those extra details and now here I am waking up each morning just excited to be getting married in 2 months. It's hard to believe that in 83 days I will marry my best friend. Have I said that too much lately? It's starting to sound redundant over here but as redundant as it may sound it feels new each morning.

There are still a few things that pop up to stress me but for the most part it is simply other people's roles now that I am dealing with. Speakers, speeches, readings, vows... just a lot of words put together and of course our first dance as husband and wife.

We met with the Justice of the Peace yesterday to arrange the order of the ceremony, readings and vows. Having that sorted out now I am focused on writing my thank you speech for the bridal party and those close to us.

We have solved the extra guests problem and don't have to worry about turning people away at the door. A great sigh of relief for all.

• 19 days left until I run the marathon
• 22 days left until my bridal shower
• 25 days left until my first dress fitting
• 26 days left until I protest Prop 8 with my daughter
• 29 days left until my daughter's 3rd birthday 

So many things I have to accomplish in the next few weeks it's a little overwhelming. You'd think I'd be at my wits end. Instead, I'm living in the now. I know, looking ahead, that in 2 weeks I AM going to be stressed, tired and overwhelmed....probably easy to weep. But I feel that there is nothing I can do to spread those days further apart and so I will instead take a deep breath and enjoy the now. Focusing mainly on training for that marathon. Train, train train! In the next week I will be running 5km every second day on a flat stretch. The next week I will start running that 5km up a hill every second day. The final 5 days I will spread out getting only 2 days in. The focus then will be on sleep since the marathon will be early in the morning.

The bridal shower I don't have to stress too much about personally. I simply have to be able to walk after the marathon.

The dress fitting should take care of itself, with all that running I should be in prime shape....here's the hope.

The protest will be a pretty simple activity too, simply remembering to get there on time and with the beast in good spirits.

Lastly her birthday, perhaps the only part I have to prepare for. I am hoping for good weather so we can have it at the playground this year. This will reduce the amount of preparing within my home. I have a small dwelling and if there are any more than 5 adults here it gets very crowded very fast.
Having it at the playground will require some transportation planning on our part and getting the cake there etc. But I feel that will be much better than trying to make room in our own little itty bitty apartment.

Frustratingly we are still waiting for some RSVP's but considering how many are left it's not too bad in the grand scheme of things. Only 9.5% have not RSVP'd and 2 of those told us they were going...they just haven't carved it in stone yet.

I guess I should get back to some DIY projects with this 2 week break I have. But first.... some meditation while I still can.

<3 your peaceful hippie bride

Day 527 - Spoke too soon...

Alas, the nightmares have not disappeared. As we are finding these uninvited guests on our list we face a new dilemma. We have some guests who have not RSVP'd yet and as such we are not sure if we have room for these extra people our guests have sprung on us! With that...a new nightmare.

Last night I had a dream/nightmare that we were (or at least I was) at some sort of self-help-group for brides-to-be. It was much like the setting we had for our birthing class of years past. A group of people in similar situations as you all discussing their plans and complications. Each would go around the table as on the first day of a class like this and introduce themselves and state how long before their wedding.

In birthing class it went like this, "Hi, my name is ____ and this is my spouse _____ and we are ________ months/weeks pregnant with our 1st/2nd/3rd/8th child. We are having a girl/boy/baby of undetermined gender."

In this class it went like this, "Hi, my name is ______ and I am marrying my spouse in ________ days/weeks/months/years."

My introduction was, "Hi, my name is Gena and I am excited to be marrying my best friend in 1 day and 1 hour." I said it so casually like I had all the time in the world and then it's like the person in the dream realized at that moment that it was a shockingly short amount of time and why the hell are they here when they should be getting ready for tomorrow! My me in the dream said, "HOLY SHIT! I'M GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW!" I rushed out of the room to find David because we still had to deal with the unexpected guests and those who were not determined whether they were coming yet! I sat at the computer with my veil on and sent a mass message to all the "undecided" guests saying in much more formal terms, "You, poopy heads...tomorrow is our wedding...are you coming or what?!" I didn't click send because as I was typing my MOH came in with her dress on and was panicked that I was not in my wedding dress yet. Evidentlly it had taken me a day to get home from the self-help-class and we needed to hurry to the venue.
At the venue it was total chaos. Guests had brought friends who of course were not on our seating chart. No one knew what the fudge was going on and not only were the "undecided" there but they too had brought extra uninvited urchin to the event. Our slim guest list was now an overweight 200 guests and we were not able to have our wedding on time. Instead David and I had to hide in other rooms (so as not to see each other) while the bridal party flipped through the guest list like elementary school, "Is uncle bob here!" "HERE" "okay... you go with the Best Man, he will see you to your seat. How about Cousin Sally?" "present" It was terrible. And those not on the guest list had to sit outside in their best suits and wait until 8pm that night when they might be able to squeeze into our open dance. Which of course we have room for a few more there.

I woke and shook my head, "clearly I need to deal with this problem head on."

I am still not sure how to approach this...what is a nice way to tell someone, "hey...we didn't invite that person. I'm sorry you felt the need to do so without first asking us...however, if you wish to have them come to the open dance there is still room there. Maybe they can chill at the mall for 4 hours while they wait for the open dance. Next time....consider our guest list before you rewrite it."

<3 your sleep deprived hippie bride

Day 525 - Wedding crashers...

What is so complicated about an RSVP that people do not understand? Lending back to the beginning or at least the early part of our engagement I was asked, "Do I really have to RSVP? You know I'm coming." To which I gave a resounding, "YES...YES YOU DO!" Sure I may figure you are coming, I also figure most of the people I invite are coming. So, yes! Yes you absolutely need to RSVP.

I suppose I could have said, "Do I need to send you an invitation? You already know I want you there!" *facepalm*

But now we face a new problem. All along people who were not given a guest would ask if we would mind if they brought this guy/girl they just met the other night. Because of space we could not offer a guest to each of our guests. Had we done that we'd have only been able to have half the guests we invited. We'd have basically had to decide whether we wanted our friends there or our family. Our answer to these requests were for them to check back with us in April of 2012 after all the RSVP's were in. If there were any who RSVP'd with "not attending" then we'd clearly have room for an extra person or two at that point. These people were more than happy to oblige and as indicated in my previous post... by April.... they were broken up with that guy/girl and the extra space was not necessary.

We are fast approaching May now and still a few stragglers have not RSVP'd, this we expected, anticipated and are prepared to chase down those meal selections. What we were less prepared for were the guests who did not ask if they could bring a guest but we have now found out planned to bring one anyway. I don't understand how they planned on that working out. If you have an RSVP and it does not imply a guest then you have just invited your best friend since childhood to attend a wedding with you and they will not have a seat or a meal. What's worse is it's not the people in question who have told us, it's mutual friends who say, "Oh I didn't know you invited Sally Sue." and we squint and say, "who?"

Now we must sit over our guest list and thumb through to see how many other wedding crashers we should be prepared for! Not what we signed up for. As it is we are over quota right now by 3 people and that's before these uninvited guests are tallied in. I don't want to have to beg my Venue co-ordinator to make an exception for guests I didn't even invite! How embarrassing, it makes me look so unorganized when in reality I have kept on top of my numbers the whole time. It's my guests who haven't.


*sigh* oh the politics of weddings. I believe I have officially entered the realm of, "I can't wait to get this over with!"

<3 your flustered hippie bride

Day 518 - The curse of the guest

Today I am starting to wonder if my guest list is a curse to my guests' plus ones.

Let me explain. Our guest list has been so extremely shrunk over the months and for the most part our guests don't have plus ones. Some of these guests did as they were dating them for a while and/or living with them.

As the guests rsvp'd it became apparent that with the online RSVP I needed to give the plus ones their own RSVP ID because some guests's plus ones desired a different meal than the guest. I had told the guests I would rectify this in time. Since then, each time I add a plus one by name to the guest list ..... they break up!!!

This has happened half a dozen times now! Each time it goes like this:

Me - "Hey, can I have your boyfriend/girlfriend's name so I can give them their own ID."
Guest - "yeah sure it's Sally/Sam"

Me *insert name on guestlist*

~ 2 weeks pass ~

Guest - "So...um... you might as well take Sally/Sam off the guest list. We...well... we're no longer together."
Me - "what?! Are you serious?! I'm so sorry."

I would leave the plus one on the guest list for a few weeks and when I was certain the time had passed for reconsilliation I removed them.

I know people break up and life goes on. It's just tripping me out that my guests keep breaking up within weeks of having been added to my guest list. I'm relatively scared to add any other official names. I think they will remain plus one and any other alternate meals will just have to be run through us privately.

In wedding related news, picked up our marriage license today! Now to book an appointment with the Justice of the Peace.
I also found out I can't change my name for 3 weeks after I'm married. What's up with that?!

That's all from me, don't break up <3 your hippie bride

Day 496 - Kuch To Hua Hai (Something Has Happened) (edit)

Here we are, day 496! WOW! What does that mean for planning? It means I have 116 days left until my wedding! As I sit here in my intensly organized jumble of wedding plans I can't help but think, "WOW!" That's pretty much all I think now.

In the past 496 days I have

1. Announced our engagement. 
2. Selected a wedding date
3. Determined a budget
4. Stuck to the budget 
5. Selected wedding rings.
6. Paid for our wedding rings
7. Decided on a guest list
8. Researched venues.
9. Fell in love with a venue
10. Adjusted our guest list so we could afford the venue
11. Had several mental breakdowns over the guest list
12. Discovered most venues require a minimum revenue.
13. Had hellish nightmares of unplanned weddings
14. Found a venue
15. Booked and paid for the venue
16. Gathered inspirational images to help in the planning
17. Decided on colors
18. Acquired a wedding planning book
19. Stocked up my wedding planning book 
20. Selected my bridal party
21. Had David select his bridal party
22. Stewed over who would be the maid of honor
23. Attended 3 bridal showcases with my friends and bridal party
24. Created a wedding website
25. Had our engagement photos taken
26. Sent out save the date wedding videos
27. Researched wedding dresses
28. Interviewed videographers
29. Deliberated over videographers
30. Finally settled on our videographer and sent our deposit! 
31. Decided on a baker and sent a deposit
32. Selected our DJ and sent our deposit.
33. Created a gift registry
34. Researched hotels
35. Viewed 9 different hotels before picking our honeymoon destination.
36. Decided on DIY Decor
37. Hosted an engagement party
38. Bought wedding dress
39. Designed invitations
40. Handcrafted invitations
41. Mailed out invitations 
42. Created a seating plan. 
43. Updated my expired license
44. Lost those last 33 lbs ;p (comparison entry -> here <- )
45. Logged in everyday to excitedly count the RSVPs as they came in. :) 
46. Got the girls together and decided on the bridesmaids dresses. 
47. Found a dress for the flower girl and ring bearer 
48. Booked the rehearsal day with the venue. 
49. Booked hairstylist & Make-up artist
50. Sent my day important dates to Jenny
51. Found a necklace and earrings for my wedding dress
52. Scheduled wedding gown fitting number 1
53. Began DIY on wedding flowers.
54. Selected ceremony music
55. Worked out a menu with the caterer
56. Decided on centerpieces
57. Began DIY of centerpieces
58. Selected speakers and readings for ceremony.
59. Priced liquor
60. Choreographed and practised first dance. 
61. Made parking arrangements for guests.
62. Provided Jenny with a guest list for shower and bachelorette
63. Discussed photos with photographer.
64. Created a playlist for the ceremony prelude etc.
65. Had my wedding ring sized

and all that remains is

1. Acquire lingerie
2. Decide on a menu with the caterer
3. Finish DIY projects like decorations, favours
4. Make appointment with hairstylist
5. Order wedding cake
6. Work out traffic and parking issues (make a map for guests)
7. Arrange rehearsal dinner 
8. Final ring payment
9. Final payment to DJ
10. Get the marriage license
12. DIY Wedding Bouquets
13. DIY Headdresses for girls
14. Final payment for Venue 
15. Finalize ceremony with officiant
16. Select a gift for groom
17. Seating Place Cards (DIY)
18. DIY Table Number Cards
19. Select gifts for wedding party
20. DIY Seating chart
21. DIY  guest book
22. Acquire hair accessories
23. Hair and makeup trial run
24. First Fitting
25. Order reception favours if DIY incomplete
26. Pick out something old, new, borrowed and blue
27. Pick up wedding David's ring
28. Buy Flower Basket for beast
29. Do name change paperwork, licence, banks, etc.
30. Tuxedo rentals & fittings for groom & groomsmen 
31. David has to write his vows
32. Final gown, headpiece, etc. fitting 
33. Arrange for someone to run errands for me on the day of 
34. Call invited guests who have not yet responded and beat the tar out of them
35. Attend bachelorette party
36. Confirm transportation plans
37. Confirm rehearsal plans
38. Have final facial (eyebrow waxing lol) 
39. Finalize count for rehearsal dinner
40. Review duties with wedding participants 
41. Review seating details with ushers 
42. Assemble a bridal emergency kit (include spritz bottle for static hair) 
43. Last-minute details with all service providers
44. Discuss strategy with photographer
45. Label envelopes with fees for officiant, dj, etc. (IF necessary, I plan to have all paid by June 21st)
46. Send gift thank-you cards Track gifts
47. Groom & groomsmen get haircuts
48. Give gifts to wedding party
49. Finalize reception count with caterer
50. Attend wedding rehearsal and dinner
51. Get a manicure/pedicure (David included :p )
52. Pick up rental wedding attire
53. Pack for wedding night and honeymoon
54. Give wedding rings to best man & maid of honor
55. Pay balance due to service providers (hopefully by June 21 giving me a stress free last month)
56. Have hair done
57. Sign and witness marriage license and run away screaming "IT'S OVER IT'S DONE!" 

So yes...wow! 

Day 239 - Flower, by any other name

I've learned that cutting wired flowers is a lot harder than it looks. Having a few drinks before attempting this does not help!

I began construction of the bouquets today and have taken some pictures with my brothers help.

What a co-operative if not a little ... um... enthusiastic model he made.

I'm getting super excited for our wedding in 373 days! I received an e-mail today from the knot to remind me that I have to finalize my guest list, decide on the invitations, research videographers and sign the venue contract by the 23rd! Geesh! Thanks for the stress factor! I realize I set up these reminders and with good reason. However, until I received that reminder I felt I was ahead and now I feel like I'm falling behind.

I decided to have one more nail biting glance at the guest list and ensure we invited everyone that would otherwise throw eggs at us.

After going over and over the guest list I came to a final decision with the exception of one guest. Being a family member I am not sure if I want the possible drama that will follow their entrance. At the same time there could be a hefty amount of drama in not inviting them.

Invite or don't invite.....invite or don't invite.......*bites nails*

<3 your undecided hippie bride

Day 219 - Musical Chairs

Today I have set out to tackle the first aspects of the seating charts and I have a question for my bride friends. Where do you sit the plus ones of your bridal party? I can't sit them at the headtable but they do not really know any of the other guests. I could sit them with the ring bearer and the flower girl but then they would look as though they are at the kids table.

Most of my bridal friends said they simply let everyone pick their own seats. This is an option that wouldn't work out so well with our wedding. The main reason for our seating chart is to avoid the inevitable family drama. It's a nice way to ensuring separation of those most angry of guests.

I guess we'll just fill the tables with the guests and then seat the extras with the friendliest most welcoming of guests. I will make my best effort to seat them at a table where there are guests similar to their S.O. as they will hopefully feel at home in that atmosphere.

<3 your hippie bride

Day 191 - We can make this work

We can make this work. We can afford this venue. We just have to alienate all our friends and only invite family we like, family we don't like and the bridal party. That's it! We won't have all those people we really want in attending but we'll have the view.....sure...we can make it work.

Took my maid of honour and our little monsters to view the venue once more. I wanted someone else to see just how awe inspiring this venue is. She too loved it. Very little....in fact no decorating needs to be done. It's absolutely amazing!

Alas, we have shrunk our guest list by 150 people in hopes to just barely scrape by. We all agree in the long run it is worth it and people will understand. Those who don't aren't really that friendly after all. 

Day 142 - Nightmares abound!

Wow, whenever there is something not yet done I have a nightmare about it. Last night I had the worst nightmare so far! The invitations had not been mailed out and no one knew when the wedding was. Of the few who were there not a one knew how to fasten my dress, the caterer was ready with food for 100 people yet there were only 10 mouths to feed and the bridal party was M.I.A.! WOWZA! I guess I should finish the guest list!

Day 166 - We built this guest list on rock & roll

I'm pretty sure this guest list will have me sent to the nut house before I'm done. But right now ... I'm pretty sure we have practically decided on almost maybe confirming our guest list to maybe be a nice round 80 although perhaps we might think of maybe adding 5 others but that is only a maybe instead of a definitely. But it is a definite maybe so maybe it's more definite than maybe....*faints*

We realized with the finances we need to keep it small and intimate but we also do not want to alienate people. At this point we are juggling an online, live wedding for those who are further away and can't our couldn't make it to the ceremony without spending a lot of money to attend.

Not sure how that would fly at this point but we will see as time progresses. 

Day 131 - Food for thought

Although we have not yet booked our venue I am browsing through the menu of the main venue option we have right now. As a vegetarian with a vegetarian daughter I am admittedly a little flustered at the idea of spending thousands of dollars for a bunch of plates of death when my lifestyle choice is significantly less expensive!! Then to have to decide which plate of death is to be served when I myself could care less.... a little difficult.

I began discussing this openly on facebook when I was reminded about allergies, of course our best man is allergic to fish which is the only meat option who's price matches that of the vegetarian option. Now I feel guilty picking it though as that would decide for him what he was eating. I then turned to the pork and was reminded that 3 of my guests are jewish. I threw my hands up in the air, "Vegetarians, allergies, religions...anything else to consider when working out a menu? Can't we all eat salad and dance the night away?" Amazingly all of my friends piped up saying I should just order all vegetarian since it's my wedding and people should just be happy to spend it with us. As much as that thought sounds great, I don't think it would resonate with the less open minded more obligatory guests on my list.

Speaking of guest lists I was reviewing my electronic guest list today and discovered a few doubles. I was inviting the same guests twice. That's what happens when your guest gets a divorce and you add them once by their maiden name and once by their married name. Both times adding their children to the list as well. Whoops.

Everything aside I seem to be on the ball more than hubby to be. I have my wedding dress, I am 90% sure I have my venue, I have my bridesmaid, I have my photographer, I've decided on my venue. But still no groomsmen from David. *le sigh*

I'll get him on it sooner or later. <3 your hippie bride

Day 130 - HUGE growth

To elaborate on yesterdays post, my guest list has gone from a tender and personal 55 to a whopping 96...no scratch that 105. This will not and can not be the final headcount but for now it's going to have to do as I am simply too overwhelmed by the support of my friends to rationally determine which friends go and who stay home.

I think I will have to research some tried and true method to determining who is to attend a wedding. Simply because I know there are the mandatory invites, however there has got to be an easier way to dwindle this list down than just ranking friends.

I never thought this would be the hard part of wedding planning. I guess I never truly considered the cost per guest. Whoops.

Day 129 - Guest list is overweight

It is amazing how a guest list can take a mind of it's own. I thought my guest list had dwindled down to next to nothing back when I was trying to afford the curvature of the earth. But now that there is so much drama exploding I have support coming from all sides and am getting back in touch with old friends. Friends who had otherwise been on the sideline for months or in some cases years. When your house burns down you learn who your friends are and that seems to be the situation here.

In the meantime I am so touched by my bridal party and just how supportive and loving they are. I have so much love for them all as I feel they are my family and truly care about what is good for me. I have been singing "Kind and Generous - Natalie Merchant" to myself all day. 

Day 117 - Save the Date

It was a bit scary to do it but I've decided that we can make this work. So today I bundled up my wallet and shoved it to the bottom of my purse. Thus forcing inconvenient digging when spending is desired and saving me a dollar here and there. Well... my purse is actually about the same size as my wallet, so in reality I did this just in my head. However, I did send out my save the date video to all whom I intend to invite. 

It felt good to get it done and true to our style to send them out in youtube/video format. Done as a teaser I show all the dresses I have tried on up until now and end with a "to be continued" attitude. See the video above.

So success sandwich? I've had success with officially setting the date. No success in making Jer the marrying type...or at least the type to marry us. I discovered it is no longer permitted in our province to have a friend made officiant for the day. LAME!

However, I am now down 22.1 lbs! So... altogether not bad. Save the dates *check* Guest list tided up *check* wedding dress picked out *check* Down to last ten pounds *check* Solved first bridezilla crisis with rational and logical thinking *check* Saved money? *empties pockets and faints* lol

Seriously though, not bad overall. 

Day 84 - Guests or no guests

This guest list is such a sensitive thing. I stare at forever trying to think of who I can remove and whether I have to invite everyone's sibling just because I invited them. I don't want children there but how do I tell parents I'd rather it be an adult only reception? It's nothing against the children I just need those seats.

Recently I was talking to a friend of mine who went on a cruise with her husband and got married just the two of them barefoot on the beach. That sounds like a fabulous idea. Just us and our daughter barefoot on the beach and coupling our honeymoon with our wedding. What a wonderful idea! We suggested this outwardly and people just said, "Sure that'd be a great idea. We'd take Genevieve overnight for you and you have to try out this cruise line I hear they are the best."
We said, "no, the whole point is we'd be alone, just us."
They responded, "Yeah, just us."
*facepalm* "no JUST us!"
"That's what I said, "Just us"

I gave up on them ever understanding and we instead approached with the impossibility of some of our friends being able to make it to a destination wedding and so if we were having a guest wedding it'd be local. There response was, "that's their problem." It was at this point that the topic was changed.

So it appears I can't win, if I remove the guest list people invite themselves and if I have the guest list I stress over who I need to invite. Is it too late to give this ring back? 

Day 26 - Literature in the making

Today my dear friend Jenny surprised me with a wedding planning book. So excited was I to crack that baby open that I have stayed up WELL into the night writing out the silliest details. Making sure every question that I can answer has been answered.
Let's see, Name of bride? well I think I know that. Name of groom? Oh that one is easy. Date of wedding? Where was the proposal? Who will be the bridesmaids? Done, done and done. Wow, makes you feel so productive even if it is just stuff you already knew.
For all other details that I'm not prepared to commit to in ink I have added paper with jotted ideas. I'm so excited to fill this book with inspiration but I'm not prepared to rip up my bridal magazines.
So for now I'll fill out a paper with a guest list for every event. Three different colors, one for those invites that are mandatory, the people I have to invite whether I like it or not. One color for the bridal party those vip. Lastly one color for those people we'd like to invite but aren't necessary and so might have to be filtered through later. Oh look, I've created a rainbow, a bridal rainbow of chaos! Only I will know why Mary Jo is written in blue while Mary Ellen is in red. Hopefully I can remember tomorrow morning.