Day 527 - Spoke too soon...

Alas, the nightmares have not disappeared. As we are finding these uninvited guests on our list we face a new dilemma. We have some guests who have not RSVP'd yet and as such we are not sure if we have room for these extra people our guests have sprung on us! With that...a new nightmare.

Last night I had a dream/nightmare that we were (or at least I was) at some sort of self-help-group for brides-to-be. It was much like the setting we had for our birthing class of years past. A group of people in similar situations as you all discussing their plans and complications. Each would go around the table as on the first day of a class like this and introduce themselves and state how long before their wedding.

In birthing class it went like this, "Hi, my name is ____ and this is my spouse _____ and we are ________ months/weeks pregnant with our 1st/2nd/3rd/8th child. We are having a girl/boy/baby of undetermined gender."

In this class it went like this, "Hi, my name is ______ and I am marrying my spouse in ________ days/weeks/months/years."

My introduction was, "Hi, my name is Gena and I am excited to be marrying my best friend in 1 day and 1 hour." I said it so casually like I had all the time in the world and then it's like the person in the dream realized at that moment that it was a shockingly short amount of time and why the hell are they here when they should be getting ready for tomorrow! My me in the dream said, "HOLY SHIT! I'M GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW!" I rushed out of the room to find David because we still had to deal with the unexpected guests and those who were not determined whether they were coming yet! I sat at the computer with my veil on and sent a mass message to all the "undecided" guests saying in much more formal terms, "You, poopy heads...tomorrow is our wedding...are you coming or what?!" I didn't click send because as I was typing my MOH came in with her dress on and was panicked that I was not in my wedding dress yet. Evidentlly it had taken me a day to get home from the self-help-class and we needed to hurry to the venue.
At the venue it was total chaos. Guests had brought friends who of course were not on our seating chart. No one knew what the fudge was going on and not only were the "undecided" there but they too had brought extra uninvited urchin to the event. Our slim guest list was now an overweight 200 guests and we were not able to have our wedding on time. Instead David and I had to hide in other rooms (so as not to see each other) while the bridal party flipped through the guest list like elementary school, "Is uncle bob here!" "HERE" "okay... you go with the Best Man, he will see you to your seat. How about Cousin Sally?" "present" It was terrible. And those not on the guest list had to sit outside in their best suits and wait until 8pm that night when they might be able to squeeze into our open dance. Which of course we have room for a few more there.

I woke and shook my head, "clearly I need to deal with this problem head on."

I am still not sure how to approach this...what is a nice way to tell someone, "hey...we didn't invite that person. I'm sorry you felt the need to do so without first asking us...however, if you wish to have them come to the open dance there is still room there. Maybe they can chill at the mall for 4 hours while they wait for the open dance. Next time....consider our guest list before you rewrite it."

<3 your sleep deprived hippie bride

Day 525 - Wedding crashers...

What is so complicated about an RSVP that people do not understand? Lending back to the beginning or at least the early part of our engagement I was asked, "Do I really have to RSVP? You know I'm coming." To which I gave a resounding, "YES...YES YOU DO!" Sure I may figure you are coming, I also figure most of the people I invite are coming. So, yes! Yes you absolutely need to RSVP.

I suppose I could have said, "Do I need to send you an invitation? You already know I want you there!" *facepalm*

But now we face a new problem. All along people who were not given a guest would ask if we would mind if they brought this guy/girl they just met the other night. Because of space we could not offer a guest to each of our guests. Had we done that we'd have only been able to have half the guests we invited. We'd have basically had to decide whether we wanted our friends there or our family. Our answer to these requests were for them to check back with us in April of 2012 after all the RSVP's were in. If there were any who RSVP'd with "not attending" then we'd clearly have room for an extra person or two at that point. These people were more than happy to oblige and as indicated in my previous post... by April.... they were broken up with that guy/girl and the extra space was not necessary.

We are fast approaching May now and still a few stragglers have not RSVP'd, this we expected, anticipated and are prepared to chase down those meal selections. What we were less prepared for were the guests who did not ask if they could bring a guest but we have now found out planned to bring one anyway. I don't understand how they planned on that working out. If you have an RSVP and it does not imply a guest then you have just invited your best friend since childhood to attend a wedding with you and they will not have a seat or a meal. What's worse is it's not the people in question who have told us, it's mutual friends who say, "Oh I didn't know you invited Sally Sue." and we squint and say, "who?"

Now we must sit over our guest list and thumb through to see how many other wedding crashers we should be prepared for! Not what we signed up for. As it is we are over quota right now by 3 people and that's before these uninvited guests are tallied in. I don't want to have to beg my Venue co-ordinator to make an exception for guests I didn't even invite! How embarrassing, it makes me look so unorganized when in reality I have kept on top of my numbers the whole time. It's my guests who haven't.


*sigh* oh the politics of weddings. I believe I have officially entered the realm of, "I can't wait to get this over with!"

<3 your flustered hippie bride

Day 403 - Family is what you make of it

After a long day and a lot of thinking I have come to this thought regarding my former family who is no longer a part of my life.

"Before I can welcome you into my life, you must welcome my family into yours. My fiancé and my daughter are my whole life and without them there is no me! Those are just the rules, you live with them or walk away. I'm fine either way, the decision is yours in the end. But unless my fiancé feels welcome in your home... it is not a home I wish to enter."

It is a long path and there is a lot of healing ahead...I'm not sure we'll ever be a family but at least I've reached a place of peace with it and am willing to open my doors....even if no one knocked. :(

<3 your thoughtful hippie bride

Day 358 - That was easy!

I was absolutely thrilled to have all my girls in one spot at once. as much as each may not be as close to the other as much as I am close to each of them it really is so nice to have them all together. 

As it turns out I will have one less bridesmaid than initially anticipated but it is with no drama and without heavy heart. I know it is for the best considering her current changes in life and where life is taking her. We are still great friends and will still be in touch. I'm glad she was honest with herself and I when I brought it up because I would have hated for her to put down a hefty deposit and then regret it later.

As far as picking the dress goes, it was actually really easy. All the girls agreed on one dress and although the original plan was for the maid of honor to have a different color combination than the bridesmaids they all loved the same combo. So instead we will make something else personal, perhaps a different color on her bouquet etc. 

girls in deep though (42)

It has been decided! 

 After dress shopping was complete it was off with my Maid of Honor to do some more bridal accessory shopping. With our daughters in tow of course. My daughter found this adorable lace umbrella and then gestured for the rain to come down.

 

<3 your hippie bride

Day 357 - Changes

Been meaning/needing to get the girls together to decide on a bridemaids dress. We have a general idea of what we all want in a dress but I'm a little apprehensive that we aren't going to find it.
Also, on a topic I don't really wish to discuss here but as part of the blog I guess it is part of the wedding planning game that I'm sure every bride has encountered. The subtle changes in bridal party. Although it is possible that nothing will change... I have this feeling on the breeze that something is amiss, something is about to or should change for the ease and comfort of all involved.

Normally, or at least what I perceive as normally, there is some big dramatic closing when a bridesmaid/MOH/Groomsman/BM back out. You know, a big dramatic fight and tears followed by a giant tub of rocky-road and eventually a reconsilliation either just before the wedding or months after. That is how I've known it to happen in the past. The difference here is it's not drama (at least not right now) it's more changes in life that make me feel it would be appropriate to at least offer the opportunity for a change in bridal party. This is a longer than usual engagement as well which of course lends opportunity for changes in life to drastically effect relations over time.

Long story short, I feel as though one of my bridesmaids might be a bridesmaid currently mostly out of obligation. Again, nothing to do with our friendship but there will be distance between us soon among other apparent things and so as much as I am excited about tomorrow I am apprehensive as well. But I trust that our friendship is close enough that I can bring this up without damning it. Obviously if I am wrong and she still wants to be a bridesmaid then I will welcome the challenge of the distance and any other things to come our way. I just don't want to make this any harder on her than it needs to be.

As a result this post will remain a draft until after we talk.

<3 your compassionate hippie bride


Edit: Boy did I forget about this post :p

Day 239 - Flower, by any other name

I've learned that cutting wired flowers is a lot harder than it looks. Having a few drinks before attempting this does not help!

I began construction of the bouquets today and have taken some pictures with my brothers help.

What a co-operative if not a little ... um... enthusiastic model he made.

I'm getting super excited for our wedding in 373 days! I received an e-mail today from the knot to remind me that I have to finalize my guest list, decide on the invitations, research videographers and sign the venue contract by the 23rd! Geesh! Thanks for the stress factor! I realize I set up these reminders and with good reason. However, until I received that reminder I felt I was ahead and now I feel like I'm falling behind.

I decided to have one more nail biting glance at the guest list and ensure we invited everyone that would otherwise throw eggs at us.

After going over and over the guest list I came to a final decision with the exception of one guest. Being a family member I am not sure if I want the possible drama that will follow their entrance. At the same time there could be a hefty amount of drama in not inviting them.

Invite or don't invite.....invite or don't invite.......*bites nails*

<3 your undecided hippie bride

Day 10 - MEN!

What is with men?! Not all men, I don't like to stereotype but if my romantic, loving man can be so uninvolved in a wedding there certainly must be a lot of other men.

He is glad to be getting married but asking him to look at two cake samples and he acts as though you told him to bend over and cough. I love him, I do, I just worry that I might slap him a little in his sleep and deny knowing where the bruises came from in the morning. "I swear, I had this dream that you were hovering over me and gave me a whack on the arm!" "Oh sweetheart, that's silly! Now, could you take a peak at these two photos, do you want the white daisies or the pink?"

Outside of my fiancée's collapse in testosterone this weekend was very successful. We have learned more about our venue, prices and options.

Now I'm torn though, both venues are good in their own ways and a little lacking in luster in other ways.

Venue A Pros:

• Personal and sentimental in it's location
• 2 seconds walking from where we want our wedding photos to be taken
• Would only cost $1500 - $1800 and would include tent set up
• Would not be inside a building but would still remain away from the elements

Venue A Cons:

• The location lacks in beauty and is a bit more military than we ever could be.
• Not sure of how we'd hook up our sound system for walking down the aisle.
• There isn't really an..aisle to walk down.

Venue B Pros:

• It's gorgeous! Absolutely breathtaking! Stone steps leading down a grassy hill to a gazebo on a lake beach. GORGEOUS!
• It would cost $1000 for the wedding, $1500 for the wedding plus the booking of the additional room inside in case of rain. It'd be $2000 if I want them to take photos and $2500 with the extra room and photos. Considering the photographer would cost me $1200-$1500 that potentially saves me $500....if they take nice photos ;) 

Venue B Cons:

• It holds no sentimental value to us what-so-ever
• It's a 27 minute drive from where we want to have our wedding photos taken.
• I'm not sure again how we'd hook up our sound system for walking down the stone path into the gazebo. 

Compared to each other one is personal, one isn't. One is Gorgeous one isn't. As far as price goes they are tied but location not so much. It's tough. When I went to show him the photos of Venue B (he already is familiar with Venue A) he wanted nothing to do with it. Not with the venue mind you, with the pictures. He says, "As long as you're happy" and has the resolve that seeing any pictures would make him quite unhappy. So what is a girl to do? Bitch and moan and insist their fiancée look of course! I'll try him again in a few days. I still have more questions for the operators of said venues. 

Past week one, your hippie bride! <3