Day 131 - Food for thought

Although we have not yet booked our venue I am browsing through the menu of the main venue option we have right now. As a vegetarian with a vegetarian daughter I am admittedly a little flustered at the idea of spending thousands of dollars for a bunch of plates of death when my lifestyle choice is significantly less expensive!! Then to have to decide which plate of death is to be served when I myself could care less.... a little difficult.

I began discussing this openly on facebook when I was reminded about allergies, of course our best man is allergic to fish which is the only meat option who's price matches that of the vegetarian option. Now I feel guilty picking it though as that would decide for him what he was eating. I then turned to the pork and was reminded that 3 of my guests are jewish. I threw my hands up in the air, "Vegetarians, allergies, religions...anything else to consider when working out a menu? Can't we all eat salad and dance the night away?" Amazingly all of my friends piped up saying I should just order all vegetarian since it's my wedding and people should just be happy to spend it with us. As much as that thought sounds great, I don't think it would resonate with the less open minded more obligatory guests on my list.

Speaking of guest lists I was reviewing my electronic guest list today and discovered a few doubles. I was inviting the same guests twice. That's what happens when your guest gets a divorce and you add them once by their maiden name and once by their married name. Both times adding their children to the list as well. Whoops.

Everything aside I seem to be on the ball more than hubby to be. I have my wedding dress, I am 90% sure I have my venue, I have my bridesmaid, I have my photographer, I've decided on my venue. But still no groomsmen from David. *le sigh*

I'll get him on it sooner or later. <3 your hippie bride

Day 130 - HUGE growth

To elaborate on yesterdays post, my guest list has gone from a tender and personal 55 to a whopping 96...no scratch that 105. This will not and can not be the final headcount but for now it's going to have to do as I am simply too overwhelmed by the support of my friends to rationally determine which friends go and who stay home.

I think I will have to research some tried and true method to determining who is to attend a wedding. Simply because I know there are the mandatory invites, however there has got to be an easier way to dwindle this list down than just ranking friends.

I never thought this would be the hard part of wedding planning. I guess I never truly considered the cost per guest. Whoops.

Day 129 - Guest list is overweight

It is amazing how a guest list can take a mind of it's own. I thought my guest list had dwindled down to next to nothing back when I was trying to afford the curvature of the earth. But now that there is so much drama exploding I have support coming from all sides and am getting back in touch with old friends. Friends who had otherwise been on the sideline for months or in some cases years. When your house burns down you learn who your friends are and that seems to be the situation here.

In the meantime I am so touched by my bridal party and just how supportive and loving they are. I have so much love for them all as I feel they are my family and truly care about what is good for me. I have been singing "Kind and Generous - Natalie Merchant" to myself all day. 

Day 128 - Family Drama

Every wedding must have some drama at some point. Mine is no different and so today after some excessive family drama I willingly removed family members from the guest list. It kind of works out in my case because I didn't really want much of my family there in the first place. They just gave me open opportunity to uninvite them.

The extra positive spin on all of this is that when I updated my facebook status to say I had removed some unnecessaries from my guest list. My not so facebook active husband-to-be "liked" my status. It was a simple act, almost a cyber hug in it's own way. Sent bridal shivers up this brides spine.

I have made some tough decisions over the past few months, none of which I regret.

On a separate note I am now 5 dresses down and only 5 more to go. Although with this wedding dress I can only alter it 3 dress sizes so I guess some of my weightloss will have to wait until after the wedding. 

Day 127 - Hippie says yes to the dress

Today was amazing. Those who know me know that I don't have family I have family drama. I have no parents (by choice) and only 1 sister. Although my family is biologically a 6 person gathering the actual family of mine is just two people. Myself and my sister (who is also a bridesmaid). It took many years for me to fully accept this and begin the healing process. In that time I have made some very dear friends. In the past 4 years I began saying, "Friends are the family you choose." Never has this felt more true than when planning my wedding.
Instead of a mother to brood over my decisions and hear me cry over small insignificant tiffs with my fiancé I have mama Jer (our best man) to listen to and offer a shoulder for my tears. Instead of a surrounding family of sisters excited for my wedding I have one bio sister and 3 others who I couldn't imagine life without. I have the logical one who lives in an organized chaos. I have the deep one who, like me, enjoys studying body language and different human behavior and I have the wild one who is as quiet as a mouse but as dangerous as a cheetah! ;p
Together they form my crazy family.
I gathered this family together today and went to the bridal shop. One bridesmaid had to work so although she wasn't there this time she had seen the dress and gave it her vote! Of the other 3 bridesmaids one had seen the dress in person and the other had seen it in photos. My best man had also seen it in photographs and so it was only my biological sister left to see it.
The plan was we would each select one dress and she would not know which one was the actual dress. She would know it wasn't the one she had picked of course but by picking one she would also be adding to the options she would then be picking from.
As I said before, I knew that a bride can get caught up in the moment and love the dress because it's in her budget and it's pretty but not because it's HER dress. Since I had already proven this before I was determined to ensure this was my dress beyond a shadow of a doubt.
We started by running around picking all our dresses. While we waited for the consultant to become available we paraded around picking out possible bridesmaids dresses. I wanted the same consultant that had initially picked out the dress for me. Once she (michelle) became available it was onward for the barrage of bridal. Everyone had cameras it seemed and before the dress trying began I laughed with two cameras in my face I said, "I feel like I'm on a TLC reality show." I enjoy editing together video of the important moments in life and so having the multiple angles to work with made it something special. I enjoyed not only being able to capture the dresses but also the people who were there to enjoy the day with me as well.

And although one of my bridesmaid couldn't make it, I later cropped in some photographs and made sure she was included in the video. Of course my fiancé wasn't there either so I had a few photos of him thus including my entire family. I have uploaded the video to my facebook page and for the first million times I watched it I teared up!
After all the dresses were tried on I put on and stood in THE dress and the discussion began. One dress was a close second but it was super heavy. Another I found had too many things going on and thus was shoved in the scarlett o'hara pile. Another, although gorgeous, was too blunt for my sister. Something that didn't even bother me while IN the dress but upon review of the video I see what she was speaking of and is an example of why others input is so important when you are surrounded by bridal glow.
There I stood, in the dress I felt best represented what I had always imagined for my wedding day next to another beautiful dress that is gorgeous on me but was more for a big church wedding than for what I have planned.
It was agreed by everyone quietly that the dress I was wearing was absolutely my dress. But it wasn't until one of my bridesmaid brought tears to my tired, stressed eyes that everyone knew for sure that this was my dress. She began talking about how long I'd been planning and all that I could think of was everything I'd gone through to get to this point in life. All the trials and tribulations I had endured to bring me to the safety of these friends. The people who had hurt me and made me who I was and how now I left only room for loving people such as these. Leaving me overwhelmed and wimpy I bawled like a baby without it's blankie.
And thus the dress was decidedly chosen. Now the concern left is that I have another 20 lbs to lose before I'm completely happy. I sure hope the dress still fits in a year.

Day 124 - One venue down....

Went with a bridesmaid and Mr. Fiancé today to look at the first and only venue option at this point. I've selected this venue because the price is right and it's very near the hill where I want to have our photographs taken. The venue wasn't terrible or anything, I think we could make it work. I liked the fishtank in the wall. But the venue didn't make me gasp. The view wasn't anything to write home about. I'm sure before downtown grew the view was beautiful. But now it just looks at the street and other buildings. It's a surrounding bay window. There is no break in the windows for a headtable so we'd have to rent a room divider to block the light from behind us so the photographer could actually get photos of the head table without a glare.
The colors were primarly red gold and green. Doesn't really work with our wedding colors but we could work around that. I could switch from red and pinks to red and golds. The ceremony location had no windows and you had to come in from the side, walk to the back and then up the centre. I'd rather walk straight across but that's not really a logical possibility. It does have the option of a video before the ceremony started though so that's a plus. It would also include a room for the honeymoon.
Guess it's time to make decisions. 

Day 121 - Bikini time

I bought this bikini as a goal bikini before I got pregnant. I was pregnant a month later...whoops. No post baby it fits. At least it fits, I am comfortable in it.... sort of. I will likely never wear it but hey...it fits

I didn't smile in the photo because I was standing on my toes and focused on getting the shot. But here I am minus 25 lbs

Day 118 - Progress

I seem to now be losing half a pound every second day. At this rate these last 8 lbs will be gone in no time! Which means I will be able to order my dress so soon! I'm not sure if people feel obligated to discourage me from losing more because of my past or if they feel I don't appreciate what I have already accomplished. Whatever the reason people have started to say, "you look great. You don't need to lose any more weight!" Or the comment I received today from a former co-worker "you have a smoking hot body! Why aren't you showing it off?!"
The truth is, I still look better with clothes on. I want to look amazing even naked! There, that's the naked truth!

But enough with my weightloss, it just seems to be the most productive part of this story lately. I still have no money and so have gone and done very little with regards to the actual wedding. All I can do right now is lose this baby weight and get to my wedding body.

In other news, I received a gift from my friend in England today. She sent me a packed "Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue." I love it! I will probably use some of it in my actual wedding :) In particular the panties lol. Who knows.

In a few weeks I can purchase my wedding dress ad in 9 months we can/will order the bridesmaids dresses. Some days it seems so far away, other days it's right around the corner. Getting excited.

Day 117 - Save the Date

It was a bit scary to do it but I've decided that we can make this work. So today I bundled up my wallet and shoved it to the bottom of my purse. Thus forcing inconvenient digging when spending is desired and saving me a dollar here and there. Well... my purse is actually about the same size as my wallet, so in reality I did this just in my head. However, I did send out my save the date video to all whom I intend to invite. 

It felt good to get it done and true to our style to send them out in youtube/video format. Done as a teaser I show all the dresses I have tried on up until now and end with a "to be continued" attitude. See the video above.

So success sandwich? I've had success with officially setting the date. No success in making Jer the marrying type...or at least the type to marry us. I discovered it is no longer permitted in our province to have a friend made officiant for the day. LAME!

However, I am now down 22.1 lbs! So... altogether not bad. Save the dates *check* Guest list tided up *check* wedding dress picked out *check* Down to last ten pounds *check* Solved first bridezilla crisis with rational and logical thinking *check* Saved money? *empties pockets and faints* lol

Seriously though, not bad overall. 

Day 117 - Found it!.for real this time!

I went in today to try on dresses with two of my bridesmaids and a friend. I wedged in between the girls and thought to myself, "when I finish losing this weight I wonder if I'll fit nicely between you two!"
First we took the girls off to get their photos taken before returning them home to my man so we could have a child free trip to the bridal salon. Once we snuck out we picked up another bridesmaid and headed off to shop for dresses.
We stopped at the store we hadn't gone to last time to try on dresses and were told that without an appointment we could not be served.

There was no one but us in the store, it was as quiet as a dried up lake in the Sahara but still we could not be seen. Well, isn't that just wonderful? In the other store we could walk in, fill out a form and when someone became available you were served. So it was clear we would not be shopping at this store. However, why not look at bridesmaids dresses. You do not need assistance to try on bridesmaids dresses we were told so although we weren't likely to purchase from this store we could at least look. We found a few cute ones that resembled the dress I had picked out before and snapped a few shots.
But we weren't here to look for bridesmaids dresses we were here to look at wedding dresses, time to leave.
Gathering our bubbly girly selves we ran back uptown a bit to the original store. Once there we were each given a ring. You take the ring and if you find a dress and you like it you should put a ring on it ;). Once given the rings we were set loose. Among the selections was the dress from the original selection. I wanted to compare it to the others. I knew that you can sometimes get caught up in the moment and fall in love with a dress just because it's a beautiful dress or a dress at all. So I wanted to give this dress a real run for it's money.
So each girl made their selection and I made two. Then we went and looked around upstairs at bridesmaids dresses while we waited for a consultant to become available. This is when I met Michelle a dream consultant. We gathered up the dresses and I explained to her that I had been here before and tried on a dress but that we wanted to be sure it was the one and not just "first dress syndrom". Of course she was aware of this common bridal ailment and was willing to play dress up.
First up was the Jasmine. A dress from the disney princess collection. It was a dress we were all pretty sure would be a no but we had all gone to it at some point and said, "Wow, what a pretty dress." So why not at least put it on before we ruled it out. This dress was 5 sizes too big for me so obviously didn't get it's full potential on me. You can see how much it's swimming on me. When I struck a pose the dress moved away from my body. I'm sure were you to stand close to me you'd have saw straight down to my toes. Regardless, this dress was never going to be the dress for me. Pretty dress but a little too much for me.  I mean just look at it, I look just a tad...HUGE in it :p

 Next up was one of my friends picks. The first words out of my mouth were, "This is a LOT of bling!"  This dress was also way too big for me which was exciting considering I thought it was the right size. Although it definitely fit way better than the first one This one was beautiful and very princess but that's what made it not for me. I am no princess. I am a hippie.
The girls were annoyed that I was not wearing a veil. I explained that I would not be wearing a veil on my wedding day. I would be wearing my hair in two braids that met in the middle and had flowers weaved into them. The girls begged and bothered until I at least tried. I agreed that were I to wear this particular dress I would have to wear a veil. All the more reason it was not the dress for me. I needed something a little more simple.

More simple say you? More simple, that is completely possible. The next selection was way more simple. A beautiful ivory number which I instantly fell in love with! This dress still makes me tear up. For when we set out this time around I requested that not one of us look at a price tag. If the dress was too expensive the consultant might know of one similar for a lesser price. So no tags were touched and thus leaving room for heartbreak later. But I am getting ahead of myself.

I slipped into my next dress. A beautiful simple ivory dress. It had it all. It was beautiful. I turned to the girls and said, "this is the dress!" we all swooned. I then turned to my consultant and said, "And ... how much is this dress?" As you can see by my expression the result was not a good one. This beautiful one of a kind dress that I had just fallen head over heels for was double my budget before tax and alterations. This dress, although a great price as far as dresses go, was out of my league. I remember the feeling of my heart hitting the floor when I thought to myself, "Why did I bother coming in? I knew I couldn't afford a nice dress! I should just go to a second hand store and settle for a once loved dress left over from a divorce." For a moment the little girl inside me was pounding on my chest screaming, "No! You can make it work! Just elope in this dress! You can afford it if you don't book a venue or feed anyone. Maybe instead of a dj you can have people over to your place and blast some music! you can make it work!" but I told her to shut up because it wasn't happening!
So what was I to do?
Try on more dresses of course. While looking for a dress I had spotted the dress that had stayed with me all along. When planning my wedding for years I had this dress saved in my inspiration folder. The style was no longer what I wanted but because it had always been in my folder and there it was in front of me I had to at least give it a try. Who knows, maybe it was meant to be. Well the answer is no. Although it was very cool and fun to try on a dress you'd stared at since you were 16 years old, it just wasn't what I wanted in a dress anymore. It was very cathedral or church wedding in style and I am even more of a hippie than I was then. This was not the dress.
Just when I was about to give up the consultant assessed what I had tried on combined with my personality and what she had heard me say I was looking for. She asked, "What's your budget?" I told her $600 to which she said, "it's my turn to pick one!" She disappeared among the Maggie Sottero which, if you remember from a previous post, was a designer I had already previously stated I loved.

I had found the dress from the bridal magazine and although it looks gorgeous in the magazine and would probably look wonderful on me there was just something missing from it. It had a lot more lace than I had expected in person and kind of lost it's wedding feel, even for me. Still a beautiful dress and had I budgeted for two dresses, one for the wedding and one for the reception I would definitely have bought it for the reception. As it is the dress was out of my budget and not perfect. So I had moved on. Although I remained in love with Maggie Sottero!
The bridal consultant returned and hurried her selected dress into the changing room and ushered me in. I was still staring at the ivory number with tears building up in my heart that I couldn't have the dress I had just been wearing. But trusting her I picked up the dress from the hanger and as I slid into it I saw the different features she had picked up on and my heart warmed. Was it possible? Had she just found ...the dress!
I walked out of the changing room and everyone gasped, "Oh Gena! That's the dress!" I smiled, I fondled it, we examined it head to toe for any reasons why it wasn't the dress and once we were most assured that it was the dress I turned and asked my consultant the dangerous question, "What's the damage?" She was standing back and watching the whole thing. Very casually but with a huge grin coming to her face she proudly said, "$700 but I think we can figure something out." The little girl climbing the walls of my chest stopped what she was doing and squealed with joy along with all the girls around me. We'd done it, together with the help of this wonderful consultant we had found the dress that not only suited everything I wanted but also was within my budget! The girls wanted me to put a veil on and I shook my head, "No veil, no veil for me." they insisted, "you have to have a veil." I looked at my consultant and said, "Well.. there was one veil idea I used to love. Instead of a conservative musquito net on your face I thought if I were to wear a veil it'd be something with color in it. She asked what my wedding colors were again. Reds and pinks. Her face lit up. She left only momentarily and came back with a veil that matched my description perfectly.

I said to the girls, "If I was going to wear a veil it'd be one like this." Knowing that veils can run anywhere from $70-$200 I didn't even want to ask the price. I had already tried on one very simple veil and it was $75! Preparing to take it off the consultant said, "And you can't argue with the price. $5.75!" I squinted, "$575?"
"No, $5 and 75 cents!" My eyes widened, that was amazing. The veil was on clearance to move. I said, "Even if I don't wear it at the wedding I could certainly wear it for the bachelorette or something. $5.75 is a steal for a quality veil!" And so it was decided.
But...I hadn't yet tried on the original selection. Would I be swayed? I had to try it just to make sure. So one last dress it was...and was it the one?
 No doubt about it this was not the dress for me!  As much as it was a nice dress but just not the  dress and there is nothing wrong with that. At least now I knew and I had been wise enough to question my "first dress syndrom" and thank goodness. By going back I got a dress for less than half the price of this one.
Besides the material on this one wasn't very flattering to my new trim figure.
The dress I had selected would be bought off the rack and thus save me $200 dollars of the ticketed price. She was going to have it cleaned before we returned to make our final decision. We assessed the stains and stitches and anything that needed to be cleaned up on it and made notes after notes to ensure it was all decided.

I will be returning with all my girls to see what they think of the dress in person!

So aside from a maybe veil I walked away with nothing today but the possibility of something tomorrow. Going to step aside and wait a few weeks to make sure this is the dress before I buy it. Now to lose another 20lbs.

Day 106 - FOUND IT!

Lately I've been thinking it's time to narrow in on a venue. I've narrowed down some possible suspects and think I should set up some appointments to go downtown and view them in person. I'm so nervous to fall in love with something and not be able to afford it or lose it because I can't foot the deposit for a few more months. But I'm going to have to get past that and start looking.

I'm now down 21 lbs and back into some of my old university pants. I've lost so much weight that my engagement ring keeps falling off. I guess we'll have to hurry and get our wedding set purchased before I lose the ring for good. That's a fearful thought!

Today, though, was productive. My bridesmaid, Jenny, has been insisting I try on wedding dresses for a while now. She has been frothing at the bit trying to get me in there. I don't know what size I am and I don't want to be this size when I buy my dress. But she was so excited so I thought, "well...we cant at least see what store I want to shop at when I buy my dress." so I pulled up two names of local stores and we were off. We foolishly had the girls with us so there was some amount of stress in trying to get things sorted out. Not to mention it was a Saturday and the store was really full! We were given 5 rings and sent on our way. I pushed and browsed and was saddened to see the dresses I could afford were....well there was a reason they were so cheap and on clearance. The dresses that were prettier were $$$$ way off course of my budget. My budget being $600 I knew this was a bad idea. Finally I found one dress that made me smile. It was almost twice my budget though. *Wimper* but we decided I should try it on and see how it looks before I completely rule it out.

It was gorgeous, it is gorgeous. After having searched through all the dresses, even the original dress that I fell in love with I think I found a winner. Now to lose another 20lbs and come back. As for the girls, they did pretty good all things considered. And Jenny's daughter was still running around the store in her dreams as you can see below.