Day 536 - Musical Chairs

I don't know that you would classify last nights dream as a nightmare or just a restless nights.

You ever have one of those nights where you dream you are studying, cleaning or doing homework all night and wake up feeling as though that is what you did all night instead of sleeping? Well that's what last night was.

There have been some guest list changes, as indicated by my posts over the past few days. With these changes some rearranging must be done for optimum enjoyment. Betty Sue can't sit anywhere near Cousin Sam because he once walked in on her in the shower. *AWKWARD* but Cousin Sam would want to sit near Alfred who is best friends and has flirtations with Betty Sue. Playing the seating arrangement game is similar to Tetris. You are not only trying to place them in the perfect fit but every now and then you have that awkward z shaped guest who only fits in 2 or 3 ideal locations without fudging up the works.

With some guests unable to come now and extra guests having been invited, it's time to play musical chairs. I wasn't too worried about it, thus it not being a nightmare, but it is high on my to-do list and apparently my brain has been processing it.

What amused me most about last nights dream was the combination of seating chart, reserved seats in the front with the possibility of that one surprise guest and the extra guests people keep inviting. This is how it went down.

I had the grooms men at the front with fancy clipboards DIY'd to be pretty and bridal. They would ask the guest for their name, check the list and if they were to sit in a reserved seat then one of the groomsmen without a clipboard would usher them to their seat. If they were simply one side of the room or the other they ushered them to that side of the room and the guest chose their own seat. If they were not on the list it was very high security. "I'm afraid I do not see you here on the list. Are you sure you wouldn't be under another name?" then they would put their finger to their ear and turn their head away from the guest like a presidential security squad and say, "Let me check with our bride. Yes, Gena, we have a Frankie Smith here but I do not see him on the --- uh huh, okay. That's what I thought." turn back to the guest and say, "No I'm sorry sir, you were not invited to this wedding." "But betty sue brought me!" "well I'm afraid Betty Sue has done you an injustice. If you wish here is a map of locations in the city where you can visit for the next 4 hours before the open dance."

Finally the extra special evil guest who not only is not invited but whom we have a peace bond against and has been instructed on several occasions in a formal manner to cease all communication with us. She showed in a video game style episode. It became an arial view of the ceremony location and her weapons showed above her head to let us know that she came armed with a pitchfork, knife and blowtorch. She first began by setting the headtable on fire, immediately put out by the best man as she swung around and lit 4 other tables on fire. Two groomsmen and the groom himself jumped her while the best man began putting out those tables. Meanwhile the Maid of honor were calling the police and they eventually showed to drag her away. It's funny in a sad way that I have had a similar dream about this guest going way back to my childhood. She was such a horrid person my entire life that I used to have dreams of her ruining my wedding back before I had ever been kissed. She would throw wine at me and I always ended up punching her in the face. The biggest change as years have gone by is that she is actually not allowed near me now and I have a group of security officials (tee hee) who will ensure that it does not happen.

Although I have been sent e-mails to tell me that she plans to attend with or without an invite, I am ensuring that does not happen. Perhaps I will start talking about my wedding location and time in detail to throw her off the scent. She won't know whether the location I speak of is the actual location or if I'm tricking her.

By the end of the dream we were trying to make room for guests in our tiny apartment. As we mushed furniture against the wall and rearranged our whopping 6 chairs I said, "wait....we booked a venue to take care of this for us!" and that's when I woke up thinking, "this is so incredibly foolish that it must be a dream.

The end result is me sitting down with my bridal bible and revamping my seating chart. I feel I should turn it into a digital copy so changes can be quicker if necessary. Maybe I will ax my pretty diy seating chart since changes keep being made.

<3 your hippie bride

Day 532 - There's one in every family

How do you kindly ask your guests to keep all details of your wedding a secret? How do you approach explaining that? Do you follow up with answers to their possible questions?

I don't mind the date being known, it is more the location and time that I am worried about getting out. Why would this bride worry about that? It is quite simple actually. I am worried about the worst form of wedding crasher imaginable. The saboteur, antagonist, angel of darkness. The one who would walk in and do everything possible to destroy your wedding until the police arrived.

There is a solid rumor with some amount of ground to it that this particular person plans on arriving at my wedding. This would tragically effect the entire day in ways unbelievable to most!

It would start with her arriving at the wedding ceremony. She would probably time it so that she walked in as  the ceremony was ongoing. She would come in wearing a white outfit and insult me among the guests. If she decided to arrive before or after the ceremony she would spend her time hollering fictional tales about the bride, knocking over decorations, trashing everything she could and potentially throwing a staining beverage at the bride's dress and/or attempting to instigate a physical altercation with the bride and the resulting brawl.

Of course we would kick her out, however...how do you keep one out and how do you salvage your wedding after those events?

Long story short, it is absolutely necessary that she not learn when and where I am to be wed.

Maybe I was too calm and the storm is to be huge!

<3 your nervous hippie bride

Day 403 - Family is what you make of it

After a long day and a lot of thinking I have come to this thought regarding my former family who is no longer a part of my life.

"Before I can welcome you into my life, you must welcome my family into yours. My fiancé and my daughter are my whole life and without them there is no me! Those are just the rules, you live with them or walk away. I'm fine either way, the decision is yours in the end. But unless my fiancé feels welcome in your home... it is not a home I wish to enter."

It is a long path and there is a lot of healing ahead...I'm not sure we'll ever be a family but at least I've reached a place of peace with it and am willing to open my doors....even if no one knocked. :(

<3 your thoughtful hippie bride

Day 352 - Dressed to impress...the budget

I'm struggling with the idea of spending too much money on my flower girl dresses. I want something adorable and appropriate but I do not want to spend too much money on it because it will definitely get stained if I do. Isn't that how it works? I think it would hurt to spend $40 on the dresses and I'd much rather pay $20 or less. It's a kids dress, she's going to wear it a few times maybe when playing dress up. It'll be shoved aside in her memorabilia stuff and that's about it. General prices for flower girl dresses lean around $60-$70 so I don't have high hopes right now.

I passed several high school students in the past little bit and I have noticed that most kids now walk around wearing sweatpants. What is with that? Fashion has gone out the window and it's all about comfort? As I reflected on that I thought of my relationship and laughed that you could describe us as fitting together like high school sweatpants. I said this to a few friends who were disgusted with this comparison and insisted I find a better one. I returned with the statement, "I did not realize just how strong my love for him was until he failed to pass the approval test with my parents" This, given my lack of a relationship with my family, was approved by all.

<3 your hippie bride

Day 345 - Seating family

Sat down with my wedding bible today to finalize some details before I move on to the next wedding task. I am debating how to spread my guests out to best avoid black eyes leaving the ceremony. For those family members I have to invite I don't want to sit them too close to each other and cause a brawl.

Maybe the best bet is to have each of my family members in separate corners and everyone else to a table. EXCELLENT!

For most other people the seating chart is simple. I may just place the family members at tables far apart and with the most appropriate yet random people possible.

I'll figure it out in time I'm sure.

<3 your hippie bride

Day 239 - Flower, by any other name

I've learned that cutting wired flowers is a lot harder than it looks. Having a few drinks before attempting this does not help!

I began construction of the bouquets today and have taken some pictures with my brothers help.

What a co-operative if not a little ... um... enthusiastic model he made.

I'm getting super excited for our wedding in 373 days! I received an e-mail today from the knot to remind me that I have to finalize my guest list, decide on the invitations, research videographers and sign the venue contract by the 23rd! Geesh! Thanks for the stress factor! I realize I set up these reminders and with good reason. However, until I received that reminder I felt I was ahead and now I feel like I'm falling behind.

I decided to have one more nail biting glance at the guest list and ensure we invited everyone that would otherwise throw eggs at us.

After going over and over the guest list I came to a final decision with the exception of one guest. Being a family member I am not sure if I want the possible drama that will follow their entrance. At the same time there could be a hefty amount of drama in not inviting them.

Invite or don't invite.....invite or don't invite.......*bites nails*

<3 your undecided hippie bride

Day 219 - Musical Chairs

Today I have set out to tackle the first aspects of the seating charts and I have a question for my bride friends. Where do you sit the plus ones of your bridal party? I can't sit them at the headtable but they do not really know any of the other guests. I could sit them with the ring bearer and the flower girl but then they would look as though they are at the kids table.

Most of my bridal friends said they simply let everyone pick their own seats. This is an option that wouldn't work out so well with our wedding. The main reason for our seating chart is to avoid the inevitable family drama. It's a nice way to ensuring separation of those most angry of guests.

I guess we'll just fill the tables with the guests and then seat the extras with the friendliest most welcoming of guests. I will make my best effort to seat them at a table where there are guests similar to their S.O. as they will hopefully feel at home in that atmosphere.

<3 your hippie bride

Day 196 - Wording is everything

Given the incredible drama surrounding my family and the fact that I have not referred to myself by my maiden name in years I don't know what to do for our wedding invitations. I want it to be formal and proper but I do not want to use my last name. I can't use his last name though because that would give the impression I was marrying a relative. I also can't use his last name and use no last name for me because that gives the same implication.

I pondered over this for a while, most of the day. Before I came up with the wording that solved everything. It was inspired by the story hubby-to-be once told me as a joke when I couldn't sleep. In the story he was climbing the tower to rescue the princess (predictably me) which I said was kind of creepy. The idea of someone climbing your house and into your window isn't necessarily romantic. The story was more detailed and completely romantic and funny.

The wording I have worked out for our wedding invitations will state that he has rescued the princess and now Bwings & Asmerus wish to invite you to their wedding. This way it is just the right amount of formal while casual enough that it needn't include our last names. I'll work out the specifics later.

For now, sleep <3 your hippie bride

Day 129 - Guest list is overweight

It is amazing how a guest list can take a mind of it's own. I thought my guest list had dwindled down to next to nothing back when I was trying to afford the curvature of the earth. But now that there is so much drama exploding I have support coming from all sides and am getting back in touch with old friends. Friends who had otherwise been on the sideline for months or in some cases years. When your house burns down you learn who your friends are and that seems to be the situation here.

In the meantime I am so touched by my bridal party and just how supportive and loving they are. I have so much love for them all as I feel they are my family and truly care about what is good for me. I have been singing "Kind and Generous - Natalie Merchant" to myself all day. 

Day 128 - Family Drama

Every wedding must have some drama at some point. Mine is no different and so today after some excessive family drama I willingly removed family members from the guest list. It kind of works out in my case because I didn't really want much of my family there in the first place. They just gave me open opportunity to uninvite them.

The extra positive spin on all of this is that when I updated my facebook status to say I had removed some unnecessaries from my guest list. My not so facebook active husband-to-be "liked" my status. It was a simple act, almost a cyber hug in it's own way. Sent bridal shivers up this brides spine.

I have made some tough decisions over the past few months, none of which I regret.

On a separate note I am now 5 dresses down and only 5 more to go. Although with this wedding dress I can only alter it 3 dress sizes so I guess some of my weightloss will have to wait until after the wedding. 

Day 127 - Hippie says yes to the dress

Today was amazing. Those who know me know that I don't have family I have family drama. I have no parents (by choice) and only 1 sister. Although my family is biologically a 6 person gathering the actual family of mine is just two people. Myself and my sister (who is also a bridesmaid). It took many years for me to fully accept this and begin the healing process. In that time I have made some very dear friends. In the past 4 years I began saying, "Friends are the family you choose." Never has this felt more true than when planning my wedding.
Instead of a mother to brood over my decisions and hear me cry over small insignificant tiffs with my fiancé I have mama Jer (our best man) to listen to and offer a shoulder for my tears. Instead of a surrounding family of sisters excited for my wedding I have one bio sister and 3 others who I couldn't imagine life without. I have the logical one who lives in an organized chaos. I have the deep one who, like me, enjoys studying body language and different human behavior and I have the wild one who is as quiet as a mouse but as dangerous as a cheetah! ;p
Together they form my crazy family.
I gathered this family together today and went to the bridal shop. One bridesmaid had to work so although she wasn't there this time she had seen the dress and gave it her vote! Of the other 3 bridesmaids one had seen the dress in person and the other had seen it in photos. My best man had also seen it in photographs and so it was only my biological sister left to see it.
The plan was we would each select one dress and she would not know which one was the actual dress. She would know it wasn't the one she had picked of course but by picking one she would also be adding to the options she would then be picking from.
As I said before, I knew that a bride can get caught up in the moment and love the dress because it's in her budget and it's pretty but not because it's HER dress. Since I had already proven this before I was determined to ensure this was my dress beyond a shadow of a doubt.
We started by running around picking all our dresses. While we waited for the consultant to become available we paraded around picking out possible bridesmaids dresses. I wanted the same consultant that had initially picked out the dress for me. Once she (michelle) became available it was onward for the barrage of bridal. Everyone had cameras it seemed and before the dress trying began I laughed with two cameras in my face I said, "I feel like I'm on a TLC reality show." I enjoy editing together video of the important moments in life and so having the multiple angles to work with made it something special. I enjoyed not only being able to capture the dresses but also the people who were there to enjoy the day with me as well.

And although one of my bridesmaid couldn't make it, I later cropped in some photographs and made sure she was included in the video. Of course my fiancé wasn't there either so I had a few photos of him thus including my entire family. I have uploaded the video to my facebook page and for the first million times I watched it I teared up!
After all the dresses were tried on I put on and stood in THE dress and the discussion began. One dress was a close second but it was super heavy. Another I found had too many things going on and thus was shoved in the scarlett o'hara pile. Another, although gorgeous, was too blunt for my sister. Something that didn't even bother me while IN the dress but upon review of the video I see what she was speaking of and is an example of why others input is so important when you are surrounded by bridal glow.
There I stood, in the dress I felt best represented what I had always imagined for my wedding day next to another beautiful dress that is gorgeous on me but was more for a big church wedding than for what I have planned.
It was agreed by everyone quietly that the dress I was wearing was absolutely my dress. But it wasn't until one of my bridesmaid brought tears to my tired, stressed eyes that everyone knew for sure that this was my dress. She began talking about how long I'd been planning and all that I could think of was everything I'd gone through to get to this point in life. All the trials and tribulations I had endured to bring me to the safety of these friends. The people who had hurt me and made me who I was and how now I left only room for loving people such as these. Leaving me overwhelmed and wimpy I bawled like a baby without it's blankie.
And thus the dress was decidedly chosen. Now the concern left is that I have another 20 lbs to lose before I'm completely happy. I sure hope the dress still fits in a year.

Day 1 - The silly behavior

Hello,
We have finished day one of my engagement. I have been planning the actual wedding for almost 4 years now. You'd think the engagement would change very little in my behavior as it's such common place for me now......You'd be wrong!

I spent today basking in the glow of my ring and adding every possible wedding related thing to my facebook. Okay, so they were already added, but I updated them to "engaged" and posted the updates to my wall. Juvenile? Most definitely! I couldn't help it, I've been imaging this moment from my childhood. The excitement was bound to surface.

But, to give myself some credit I was slightly practical. I spent about 15 minutes confirming my guest list, the one I'd started in 2007, to ensure I was still friends with the people on it. I then went through it with a fine toothed comb to remove any of those "obligatory invites" that I really didn't like. If they are offended they are not there than they aren't really that happy for me... I'm the bride, I'm allowed to be selective.

After finalizing my guest list I made the seating plan. I used the data base at the knot shop to do this. It creates an image for you and you can ensure Grandma Sue doesn't sit near her ex husband Grampa Joe because the two of them would just stir up drama. You also want to sit the cranky Miss Finster with the cynical Mrs. Dupis, this way they won't depress anyone else with their complaints about the dry food. You put the chipper Ms. Doyle next to the young folk and make sure to keep Cousin Frank away from the gift table, he's a bit of a kleptomaniac!

I was impressed with how easy it was to put my relatives far away from the relatives they hated and separate tables and move friends near friends. Then I matched up friends who only know me and no one else with people I felt they would most mesh with. Once it was done I had a picture in front of me that made it all so much more real. When my fiancée realized what I was doing he made a slightly nervous face. I believe he realizes that his life has changed the moment he put a ring on my finger.

For instance he doesn't share the bed with me anymore. Not because he snores, but because I'm staying up until 1am updating social utilities that I don't use anymore. Such as Myspace and Orkut. I even went as far as to log into old e-mails and confirm they said I was engaged. Yup, I'm basking. Basking in the sparkly glow... I'm also falling asleep at the keyboard. *faint*

That's all for now, your hippie bride, Bwings