Day 535 - Guest lists are for wussies

When I started the "engaged" chapter of my life I received many congrats and even more advice. The one piece of advice I received the most is the one piece of advice I scoffed at the most. Here are some statements I heard about guest lists over the past 535 days:

"Oh the guest list! What a pain! Try not to put too much of your heart into it because most people won't appreciate your consideration in the end."  

"About 90% will RSVP attending and about 60% of those will actually show up. What a waste of your money! I wish you luck." 

"My guest list caused me so much trouble I wish I had just eloped." 

"I don't regret my wedding or having gone through with it. I do wish I had had a potluck wedding and just put it out there that whoever the hell wanted to show could show. But I'm sure that would have pissed someone off too. You can't win with the guest list so don't try."

"Guest list? I threw out some names and hoped for the best. I ended up having mostly people neither me nor my husband knew there. I'd say of our guest list 30% were people we had invited and the rest were friends that those guests had invited without telling us!" 

"Oh what a headache! If you ever need proof that you can't please everyone you'd find it in the guest list at a wedding. In fact I am pretty sure you can displease most with a guest list. Everyone feels entitled or overlooked no matter what you do. Just don't expect anyone to show and thank everyone that does come, whether you invited them or not." 

"Guest lists and seating charts. They still haunt me and we've been married for 10 years now! I remember paying close attention to where I sat everyone because both our families were in year long fights. After all my painful efforts to ensure everyone got a seat next to someone they cared about it was horrible. People showed that we had not invited, the people who were to sit between those who hated each other ... they didn't show. And what's worse is that people stood around at the seating chart fighting rather than taking their seats away from each other. If I could do it over again I'd have just a simple ceremony, blow everyone a kiss and hop in a limo headed for the airport!" 

I never listened. I always said, "oh no... that won't happen to me. I'm going to make sure." I convinced myself that these brides just weren't as organized as me. I convinced myself that they had gone in with extra assumptions or hadn't stood firm on their desires for their wedding day. In some cases I may have been right. But when I offer advice for the next bride to be it's going to be this, "The moment you begin your guest list make sure you have a prescription for Valium because every time that phone rings you are going to look at the caller id in fear that it is his family or yours calling to tell you how you did them wrong, how you failed them, how they are far more important than anyone else on your guest list."

Perhaps the most surprising part for me is just how entitled a lot of guests can get. They all have some reason why they feel they are more important than anyone else on your guest list and because of that they should be allowed to:
RSVP at the last minute, invite 3 extra guests without telling you, change their mind 3 or 4 times, call you at midnight to insist you should have some other meal options or better yet tell you, "I know that you are offering fish or vegetarian but we've been friends for years, so I know you won't mind making mine a juicy steak!"
Yes... they are serious, they believe that above all others they are the most important person at your wedding. Maybe even more important than you!

The good news is this, I also heard plenty of drama stories about bridal parties being nasty and all about themselves. I have to say that although a handful of guests have made the whole experience interesting my bridal party have been strong and true through the entire 535 days and then some.

Better yet they each have their roles in keeping me from sending anthrax out with some extra invites to more snotty guests. I have to say I have the perfect balance of nice and firm with my bridal party.

Maid of honor - She's the super sweet one when it comes to family. Whenever a guest is a family member she is there to keep me soft when I need to be soft and feel like throwing daggers. But she is also willing to nod when the family member is being crazy and say, "nope, you are allowed to throw daggers at that one. Ax that invite!"

Bridesmaids - I have one bridesmaid who is family and she is the one who knows without any backstory what I grew up with. Therefore when I have a dilema that needs immediate advise without taking the time to explain a backstory it would be her I call. My other Bridesmaid has already been a bride and knows a bit about the planning fun and the wedding drama. Through her I channel my etiquette concerns through her and ask what she did in certain situations.

Best Man - He's not just David's best man he's both of our best man! Aside from David he's the only man that's been around since the beginning and still is. He's been around more than my own family (which isn't saying much but still) he's the one I call when I am frusterated with David and need an ear I know won't hold it against David. He's also the one I call when I need the opposite reaction from my Maid of Honor. My Maid of Honor is the softy with family and sometimes you need someone who is tough. He is less likely to soften for just anyone and so I know when he does that maybe I should loosen up on them a little bit.

As per my posts from the past, if it weren't for my bridal party I think there would be a few shallow graves or at the very least the guest list would be a fraction of what it is. I don't regret any of this, I just wish some of my guests would stop and realize this wedding is about us and that's not them! I guess my advice would not be for a future bride-to-be but instead to her guests. My advice is:

Dear Guest,
When you feel looked over, second-fiddle or unappreciated stop and ask yourself: "How big is her guest list? How many people is she trying to please right now?" And when you find yourself feeling upset that you have to spend $200 on a hotel just to go to her wedding and you feel she should pay for your accommodations or give you a steak instead of a haddock, ask yourself: "How much money did she put into this wedding so everyone could have a good time? Can I afford to go? Should I send a nice present instead of going and talk to her personally so she knows it's nothing personal but that I can't afford $200 plus travelling cost?" If you find yourself thinking, "they won't mind if I bring my best friend. After all I am their cousin/friend of 6 years/father/mother/sister/brother/uncle/aunt/ex-boyfriend and/or I am travelling a long distance to attend their wedding." perhaps you should ask yourself, "How many of their guests have they been friends with for a long time? How many of their guests are traveling a long distance? How many of their friends are family of some way or another? If all of us feel the same entitlement to bring uninvited guests how many uninvited guests will be at their wedding?"

As a bride-to-be all we ask is for a little patience, understanding and respect. Be patient if we don't get to you right away when you send us a message about our wedding. Understand that we can't give everyone everything they want and respect that in some cases we don't give everyone everything they want because it's not what we want for our wedding! Give us this and we will do our very best to do the same at your wedding if you invite us. We are sorry if your haddock is too dry on the wedding day, we didn't cook it, but we did pay for it so you could have something to eat. We are sorry you prefer red wine and we ordered white. We don't like wine at all but ordered something we thought our guests might enjoy or be grateful for. We are sorry we didn't get to give you a one-on-one dance, there was only time for 40 dances and we had 80 guests. Please, before you get upset, ask yourself if you are being singled out or if in fact you are expecting a tad too much from one person.


Thank you so much in advance,
<3 your hippie bride...she is trying.

Day 496 - Kuch To Hua Hai (Something Has Happened) (edit)

Here we are, day 496! WOW! What does that mean for planning? It means I have 116 days left until my wedding! As I sit here in my intensly organized jumble of wedding plans I can't help but think, "WOW!" That's pretty much all I think now.

In the past 496 days I have

1. Announced our engagement. 
2. Selected a wedding date
3. Determined a budget
4. Stuck to the budget 
5. Selected wedding rings.
6. Paid for our wedding rings
7. Decided on a guest list
8. Researched venues.
9. Fell in love with a venue
10. Adjusted our guest list so we could afford the venue
11. Had several mental breakdowns over the guest list
12. Discovered most venues require a minimum revenue.
13. Had hellish nightmares of unplanned weddings
14. Found a venue
15. Booked and paid for the venue
16. Gathered inspirational images to help in the planning
17. Decided on colors
18. Acquired a wedding planning book
19. Stocked up my wedding planning book 
20. Selected my bridal party
21. Had David select his bridal party
22. Stewed over who would be the maid of honor
23. Attended 3 bridal showcases with my friends and bridal party
24. Created a wedding website
25. Had our engagement photos taken
26. Sent out save the date wedding videos
27. Researched wedding dresses
28. Interviewed videographers
29. Deliberated over videographers
30. Finally settled on our videographer and sent our deposit! 
31. Decided on a baker and sent a deposit
32. Selected our DJ and sent our deposit.
33. Created a gift registry
34. Researched hotels
35. Viewed 9 different hotels before picking our honeymoon destination.
36. Decided on DIY Decor
37. Hosted an engagement party
38. Bought wedding dress
39. Designed invitations
40. Handcrafted invitations
41. Mailed out invitations 
42. Created a seating plan. 
43. Updated my expired license
44. Lost those last 33 lbs ;p (comparison entry -> here <- )
45. Logged in everyday to excitedly count the RSVPs as they came in. :) 
46. Got the girls together and decided on the bridesmaids dresses. 
47. Found a dress for the flower girl and ring bearer 
48. Booked the rehearsal day with the venue. 
49. Booked hairstylist & Make-up artist
50. Sent my day important dates to Jenny
51. Found a necklace and earrings for my wedding dress
52. Scheduled wedding gown fitting number 1
53. Began DIY on wedding flowers.
54. Selected ceremony music
55. Worked out a menu with the caterer
56. Decided on centerpieces
57. Began DIY of centerpieces
58. Selected speakers and readings for ceremony.
59. Priced liquor
60. Choreographed and practised first dance. 
61. Made parking arrangements for guests.
62. Provided Jenny with a guest list for shower and bachelorette
63. Discussed photos with photographer.
64. Created a playlist for the ceremony prelude etc.
65. Had my wedding ring sized

and all that remains is

1. Acquire lingerie
2. Decide on a menu with the caterer
3. Finish DIY projects like decorations, favours
4. Make appointment with hairstylist
5. Order wedding cake
6. Work out traffic and parking issues (make a map for guests)
7. Arrange rehearsal dinner 
8. Final ring payment
9. Final payment to DJ
10. Get the marriage license
12. DIY Wedding Bouquets
13. DIY Headdresses for girls
14. Final payment for Venue 
15. Finalize ceremony with officiant
16. Select a gift for groom
17. Seating Place Cards (DIY)
18. DIY Table Number Cards
19. Select gifts for wedding party
20. DIY Seating chart
21. DIY  guest book
22. Acquire hair accessories
23. Hair and makeup trial run
24. First Fitting
25. Order reception favours if DIY incomplete
26. Pick out something old, new, borrowed and blue
27. Pick up wedding David's ring
28. Buy Flower Basket for beast
29. Do name change paperwork, licence, banks, etc.
30. Tuxedo rentals & fittings for groom & groomsmen 
31. David has to write his vows
32. Final gown, headpiece, etc. fitting 
33. Arrange for someone to run errands for me on the day of 
34. Call invited guests who have not yet responded and beat the tar out of them
35. Attend bachelorette party
36. Confirm transportation plans
37. Confirm rehearsal plans
38. Have final facial (eyebrow waxing lol) 
39. Finalize count for rehearsal dinner
40. Review duties with wedding participants 
41. Review seating details with ushers 
42. Assemble a bridal emergency kit (include spritz bottle for static hair) 
43. Last-minute details with all service providers
44. Discuss strategy with photographer
45. Label envelopes with fees for officiant, dj, etc. (IF necessary, I plan to have all paid by June 21st)
46. Send gift thank-you cards Track gifts
47. Groom & groomsmen get haircuts
48. Give gifts to wedding party
49. Finalize reception count with caterer
50. Attend wedding rehearsal and dinner
51. Get a manicure/pedicure (David included :p )
52. Pick up rental wedding attire
53. Pack for wedding night and honeymoon
54. Give wedding rings to best man & maid of honor
55. Pay balance due to service providers (hopefully by June 21 giving me a stress free last month)
56. Have hair done
57. Sign and witness marriage license and run away screaming "IT'S OVER IT'S DONE!" 

So yes...wow! 

Day 358 - That was easy!

I was absolutely thrilled to have all my girls in one spot at once. as much as each may not be as close to the other as much as I am close to each of them it really is so nice to have them all together. 

As it turns out I will have one less bridesmaid than initially anticipated but it is with no drama and without heavy heart. I know it is for the best considering her current changes in life and where life is taking her. We are still great friends and will still be in touch. I'm glad she was honest with herself and I when I brought it up because I would have hated for her to put down a hefty deposit and then regret it later.

As far as picking the dress goes, it was actually really easy. All the girls agreed on one dress and although the original plan was for the maid of honor to have a different color combination than the bridesmaids they all loved the same combo. So instead we will make something else personal, perhaps a different color on her bouquet etc. 

girls in deep though (42)

It has been decided! 

 After dress shopping was complete it was off with my Maid of Honor to do some more bridal accessory shopping. With our daughters in tow of course. My daughter found this adorable lace umbrella and then gestured for the rain to come down.

 

<3 your hippie bride

Day 357 - Changes

Been meaning/needing to get the girls together to decide on a bridemaids dress. We have a general idea of what we all want in a dress but I'm a little apprehensive that we aren't going to find it.
Also, on a topic I don't really wish to discuss here but as part of the blog I guess it is part of the wedding planning game that I'm sure every bride has encountered. The subtle changes in bridal party. Although it is possible that nothing will change... I have this feeling on the breeze that something is amiss, something is about to or should change for the ease and comfort of all involved.

Normally, or at least what I perceive as normally, there is some big dramatic closing when a bridesmaid/MOH/Groomsman/BM back out. You know, a big dramatic fight and tears followed by a giant tub of rocky-road and eventually a reconsilliation either just before the wedding or months after. That is how I've known it to happen in the past. The difference here is it's not drama (at least not right now) it's more changes in life that make me feel it would be appropriate to at least offer the opportunity for a change in bridal party. This is a longer than usual engagement as well which of course lends opportunity for changes in life to drastically effect relations over time.

Long story short, I feel as though one of my bridesmaids might be a bridesmaid currently mostly out of obligation. Again, nothing to do with our friendship but there will be distance between us soon among other apparent things and so as much as I am excited about tomorrow I am apprehensive as well. But I trust that our friendship is close enough that I can bring this up without damning it. Obviously if I am wrong and she still wants to be a bridesmaid then I will welcome the challenge of the distance and any other things to come our way. I just don't want to make this any harder on her than it needs to be.

As a result this post will remain a draft until after we talk.

<3 your compassionate hippie bride


Edit: Boy did I forget about this post :p

Day 309 - Party Rock was in the house last night!

The party went off wonderfully! :)
The theme, of course, was bridal fugly!

I had a fugly lace dress (old school) with homemade lace buttons that were so small and annoying it's amazing that this was legitimately someone's dress at some point! 



























One of my friend did my hair, it was supposed to be dreadful and dramatic but it ended up kind of nice just not my usual style :p

Wow can you see the size difference between the two of us here?! Oh my gentle giant! 

Terrible picture of me but I use it to show my over the top make up. I learned my lesson, when wearing a full body lace dress....don't wear metal chained beads 0_0 nearly killed myself on several occasions! Oh and David was trying to make our best man look at my ring which I had been attempting to have him notice. 

Everyone's costumes were awesome (I should know, I helped to pick them out and even sewed up a few of them ;p ) However, not everyone would want to be on a blog and so I will only show a few ;)

Our best man wore a red silk-like cowboy ... pj style top :p

Why do people insist on "eating pictures"? :p 

At one point he ended up wearing the beads apparently. Oh and taking pictures with two cameras :p

Not quite sure what we were doing here... oh yes, she was showing the multiple layers of her dress and I said, "I have multiple layers too!!! Then for whatever reason our multiple layers...erm...umm... humped each other? I'm not certain on this but take from it what you will. :p 

Also not sure what I'm doing here either.... I swear drinking was uninvolved in this party! Promise... my best guess is someone compared the color of her red hair to candy and I was implying she was tasty.... I do not remember this happening but it is my best guess

Even the beast got into play with her lovely "flower girl" ensemble. 

Beast getting ready for the party! 

Once everyone had noticed I'd received my ring back from being sized (after losing all my post-baby weight) I then showed it off to everyone. 

 Of course, as per usual in my line of work, the party was interrupted by some drunk (not my guest) who decided to jump a fence (not mine) and break his leg (also not mine :p ) and buzzed someone's apartment (not mine) and someone let him in (not me!) and as a result he became my bloody (literally bloody, bleeding) problem. Fortunately it was late in the night so we just bid our guests adieu and proceeded to get in our landlord scrubs. ;p Ignoring that, the party was so much fun. I should get engaged again so we can have another!!!

And the rest is history!

Day 250 - Bridal showcases to come

As I narrow my checklist down even further I think back to my bridal showcase of last year and wish they had more throughout the year! I feel a bridal showcase would be quite useful as I'm struggling to narrow in on particular aspects.

Since they don't have them more often I figured I'd instead set up a facebook event and invite all who wanted to attend the bridal showcase this Jan. :)

<3 your hippie bride

Day 134 - And the dress is mine.

Today I made the first payment on my wedding dress. With 30lbs down and 20 more to go I'm a little nervous. But the bridal consultant feels I should still fit even if I do lose another 20 lbs.

But having my purchase made I spent the rest of the day in the judges chair playing simon while my sister tried on nearly 2 dozen dresses for my approval.

When she saw how many dresses there were she was shocked. Of course not all of them were legit we did have to have some fun with her and shoved some lemons in the pile. Just had to make sure she'd be honest to the bride if she didn't approve. She was!

Day 131 - Food for thought

Although we have not yet booked our venue I am browsing through the menu of the main venue option we have right now. As a vegetarian with a vegetarian daughter I am admittedly a little flustered at the idea of spending thousands of dollars for a bunch of plates of death when my lifestyle choice is significantly less expensive!! Then to have to decide which plate of death is to be served when I myself could care less.... a little difficult.

I began discussing this openly on facebook when I was reminded about allergies, of course our best man is allergic to fish which is the only meat option who's price matches that of the vegetarian option. Now I feel guilty picking it though as that would decide for him what he was eating. I then turned to the pork and was reminded that 3 of my guests are jewish. I threw my hands up in the air, "Vegetarians, allergies, religions...anything else to consider when working out a menu? Can't we all eat salad and dance the night away?" Amazingly all of my friends piped up saying I should just order all vegetarian since it's my wedding and people should just be happy to spend it with us. As much as that thought sounds great, I don't think it would resonate with the less open minded more obligatory guests on my list.

Speaking of guest lists I was reviewing my electronic guest list today and discovered a few doubles. I was inviting the same guests twice. That's what happens when your guest gets a divorce and you add them once by their maiden name and once by their married name. Both times adding their children to the list as well. Whoops.

Everything aside I seem to be on the ball more than hubby to be. I have my wedding dress, I am 90% sure I have my venue, I have my bridesmaid, I have my photographer, I've decided on my venue. But still no groomsmen from David. *le sigh*

I'll get him on it sooner or later. <3 your hippie bride

Day 127 - Hippie says yes to the dress

Today was amazing. Those who know me know that I don't have family I have family drama. I have no parents (by choice) and only 1 sister. Although my family is biologically a 6 person gathering the actual family of mine is just two people. Myself and my sister (who is also a bridesmaid). It took many years for me to fully accept this and begin the healing process. In that time I have made some very dear friends. In the past 4 years I began saying, "Friends are the family you choose." Never has this felt more true than when planning my wedding.
Instead of a mother to brood over my decisions and hear me cry over small insignificant tiffs with my fiancé I have mama Jer (our best man) to listen to and offer a shoulder for my tears. Instead of a surrounding family of sisters excited for my wedding I have one bio sister and 3 others who I couldn't imagine life without. I have the logical one who lives in an organized chaos. I have the deep one who, like me, enjoys studying body language and different human behavior and I have the wild one who is as quiet as a mouse but as dangerous as a cheetah! ;p
Together they form my crazy family.
I gathered this family together today and went to the bridal shop. One bridesmaid had to work so although she wasn't there this time she had seen the dress and gave it her vote! Of the other 3 bridesmaids one had seen the dress in person and the other had seen it in photos. My best man had also seen it in photographs and so it was only my biological sister left to see it.
The plan was we would each select one dress and she would not know which one was the actual dress. She would know it wasn't the one she had picked of course but by picking one she would also be adding to the options she would then be picking from.
As I said before, I knew that a bride can get caught up in the moment and love the dress because it's in her budget and it's pretty but not because it's HER dress. Since I had already proven this before I was determined to ensure this was my dress beyond a shadow of a doubt.
We started by running around picking all our dresses. While we waited for the consultant to become available we paraded around picking out possible bridesmaids dresses. I wanted the same consultant that had initially picked out the dress for me. Once she (michelle) became available it was onward for the barrage of bridal. Everyone had cameras it seemed and before the dress trying began I laughed with two cameras in my face I said, "I feel like I'm on a TLC reality show." I enjoy editing together video of the important moments in life and so having the multiple angles to work with made it something special. I enjoyed not only being able to capture the dresses but also the people who were there to enjoy the day with me as well.

And although one of my bridesmaid couldn't make it, I later cropped in some photographs and made sure she was included in the video. Of course my fiancé wasn't there either so I had a few photos of him thus including my entire family. I have uploaded the video to my facebook page and for the first million times I watched it I teared up!
After all the dresses were tried on I put on and stood in THE dress and the discussion began. One dress was a close second but it was super heavy. Another I found had too many things going on and thus was shoved in the scarlett o'hara pile. Another, although gorgeous, was too blunt for my sister. Something that didn't even bother me while IN the dress but upon review of the video I see what she was speaking of and is an example of why others input is so important when you are surrounded by bridal glow.
There I stood, in the dress I felt best represented what I had always imagined for my wedding day next to another beautiful dress that is gorgeous on me but was more for a big church wedding than for what I have planned.
It was agreed by everyone quietly that the dress I was wearing was absolutely my dress. But it wasn't until one of my bridesmaid brought tears to my tired, stressed eyes that everyone knew for sure that this was my dress. She began talking about how long I'd been planning and all that I could think of was everything I'd gone through to get to this point in life. All the trials and tribulations I had endured to bring me to the safety of these friends. The people who had hurt me and made me who I was and how now I left only room for loving people such as these. Leaving me overwhelmed and wimpy I bawled like a baby without it's blankie.
And thus the dress was decidedly chosen. Now the concern left is that I have another 20 lbs to lose before I'm completely happy. I sure hope the dress still fits in a year.

Day 117 - Found it!.for real this time!

I went in today to try on dresses with two of my bridesmaids and a friend. I wedged in between the girls and thought to myself, "when I finish losing this weight I wonder if I'll fit nicely between you two!"
First we took the girls off to get their photos taken before returning them home to my man so we could have a child free trip to the bridal salon. Once we snuck out we picked up another bridesmaid and headed off to shop for dresses.
We stopped at the store we hadn't gone to last time to try on dresses and were told that without an appointment we could not be served.

There was no one but us in the store, it was as quiet as a dried up lake in the Sahara but still we could not be seen. Well, isn't that just wonderful? In the other store we could walk in, fill out a form and when someone became available you were served. So it was clear we would not be shopping at this store. However, why not look at bridesmaids dresses. You do not need assistance to try on bridesmaids dresses we were told so although we weren't likely to purchase from this store we could at least look. We found a few cute ones that resembled the dress I had picked out before and snapped a few shots.
But we weren't here to look for bridesmaids dresses we were here to look at wedding dresses, time to leave.
Gathering our bubbly girly selves we ran back uptown a bit to the original store. Once there we were each given a ring. You take the ring and if you find a dress and you like it you should put a ring on it ;). Once given the rings we were set loose. Among the selections was the dress from the original selection. I wanted to compare it to the others. I knew that you can sometimes get caught up in the moment and fall in love with a dress just because it's a beautiful dress or a dress at all. So I wanted to give this dress a real run for it's money.
So each girl made their selection and I made two. Then we went and looked around upstairs at bridesmaids dresses while we waited for a consultant to become available. This is when I met Michelle a dream consultant. We gathered up the dresses and I explained to her that I had been here before and tried on a dress but that we wanted to be sure it was the one and not just "first dress syndrom". Of course she was aware of this common bridal ailment and was willing to play dress up.
First up was the Jasmine. A dress from the disney princess collection. It was a dress we were all pretty sure would be a no but we had all gone to it at some point and said, "Wow, what a pretty dress." So why not at least put it on before we ruled it out. This dress was 5 sizes too big for me so obviously didn't get it's full potential on me. You can see how much it's swimming on me. When I struck a pose the dress moved away from my body. I'm sure were you to stand close to me you'd have saw straight down to my toes. Regardless, this dress was never going to be the dress for me. Pretty dress but a little too much for me.  I mean just look at it, I look just a tad...HUGE in it :p

 Next up was one of my friends picks. The first words out of my mouth were, "This is a LOT of bling!"  This dress was also way too big for me which was exciting considering I thought it was the right size. Although it definitely fit way better than the first one This one was beautiful and very princess but that's what made it not for me. I am no princess. I am a hippie.
The girls were annoyed that I was not wearing a veil. I explained that I would not be wearing a veil on my wedding day. I would be wearing my hair in two braids that met in the middle and had flowers weaved into them. The girls begged and bothered until I at least tried. I agreed that were I to wear this particular dress I would have to wear a veil. All the more reason it was not the dress for me. I needed something a little more simple.

More simple say you? More simple, that is completely possible. The next selection was way more simple. A beautiful ivory number which I instantly fell in love with! This dress still makes me tear up. For when we set out this time around I requested that not one of us look at a price tag. If the dress was too expensive the consultant might know of one similar for a lesser price. So no tags were touched and thus leaving room for heartbreak later. But I am getting ahead of myself.

I slipped into my next dress. A beautiful simple ivory dress. It had it all. It was beautiful. I turned to the girls and said, "this is the dress!" we all swooned. I then turned to my consultant and said, "And ... how much is this dress?" As you can see by my expression the result was not a good one. This beautiful one of a kind dress that I had just fallen head over heels for was double my budget before tax and alterations. This dress, although a great price as far as dresses go, was out of my league. I remember the feeling of my heart hitting the floor when I thought to myself, "Why did I bother coming in? I knew I couldn't afford a nice dress! I should just go to a second hand store and settle for a once loved dress left over from a divorce." For a moment the little girl inside me was pounding on my chest screaming, "No! You can make it work! Just elope in this dress! You can afford it if you don't book a venue or feed anyone. Maybe instead of a dj you can have people over to your place and blast some music! you can make it work!" but I told her to shut up because it wasn't happening!
So what was I to do?
Try on more dresses of course. While looking for a dress I had spotted the dress that had stayed with me all along. When planning my wedding for years I had this dress saved in my inspiration folder. The style was no longer what I wanted but because it had always been in my folder and there it was in front of me I had to at least give it a try. Who knows, maybe it was meant to be. Well the answer is no. Although it was very cool and fun to try on a dress you'd stared at since you were 16 years old, it just wasn't what I wanted in a dress anymore. It was very cathedral or church wedding in style and I am even more of a hippie than I was then. This was not the dress.
Just when I was about to give up the consultant assessed what I had tried on combined with my personality and what she had heard me say I was looking for. She asked, "What's your budget?" I told her $600 to which she said, "it's my turn to pick one!" She disappeared among the Maggie Sottero which, if you remember from a previous post, was a designer I had already previously stated I loved.

I had found the dress from the bridal magazine and although it looks gorgeous in the magazine and would probably look wonderful on me there was just something missing from it. It had a lot more lace than I had expected in person and kind of lost it's wedding feel, even for me. Still a beautiful dress and had I budgeted for two dresses, one for the wedding and one for the reception I would definitely have bought it for the reception. As it is the dress was out of my budget and not perfect. So I had moved on. Although I remained in love with Maggie Sottero!
The bridal consultant returned and hurried her selected dress into the changing room and ushered me in. I was still staring at the ivory number with tears building up in my heart that I couldn't have the dress I had just been wearing. But trusting her I picked up the dress from the hanger and as I slid into it I saw the different features she had picked up on and my heart warmed. Was it possible? Had she just found ...the dress!
I walked out of the changing room and everyone gasped, "Oh Gena! That's the dress!" I smiled, I fondled it, we examined it head to toe for any reasons why it wasn't the dress and once we were most assured that it was the dress I turned and asked my consultant the dangerous question, "What's the damage?" She was standing back and watching the whole thing. Very casually but with a huge grin coming to her face she proudly said, "$700 but I think we can figure something out." The little girl climbing the walls of my chest stopped what she was doing and squealed with joy along with all the girls around me. We'd done it, together with the help of this wonderful consultant we had found the dress that not only suited everything I wanted but also was within my budget! The girls wanted me to put a veil on and I shook my head, "No veil, no veil for me." they insisted, "you have to have a veil." I looked at my consultant and said, "Well.. there was one veil idea I used to love. Instead of a conservative musquito net on your face I thought if I were to wear a veil it'd be something with color in it. She asked what my wedding colors were again. Reds and pinks. Her face lit up. She left only momentarily and came back with a veil that matched my description perfectly.

I said to the girls, "If I was going to wear a veil it'd be one like this." Knowing that veils can run anywhere from $70-$200 I didn't even want to ask the price. I had already tried on one very simple veil and it was $75! Preparing to take it off the consultant said, "And you can't argue with the price. $5.75!" I squinted, "$575?"
"No, $5 and 75 cents!" My eyes widened, that was amazing. The veil was on clearance to move. I said, "Even if I don't wear it at the wedding I could certainly wear it for the bachelorette or something. $5.75 is a steal for a quality veil!" And so it was decided.
But...I hadn't yet tried on the original selection. Would I be swayed? I had to try it just to make sure. So one last dress it was...and was it the one?
 No doubt about it this was not the dress for me!  As much as it was a nice dress but just not the  dress and there is nothing wrong with that. At least now I knew and I had been wise enough to question my "first dress syndrom" and thank goodness. By going back I got a dress for less than half the price of this one.
Besides the material on this one wasn't very flattering to my new trim figure.
The dress I had selected would be bought off the rack and thus save me $200 dollars of the ticketed price. She was going to have it cleaned before we returned to make our final decision. We assessed the stains and stitches and anything that needed to be cleaned up on it and made notes after notes to ensure it was all decided.

I will be returning with all my girls to see what they think of the dress in person!

So aside from a maybe veil I walked away with nothing today but the possibility of something tomorrow. Going to step aside and wait a few weeks to make sure this is the dress before I buy it. Now to lose another 20lbs.

Day 106 - FOUND IT!

Lately I've been thinking it's time to narrow in on a venue. I've narrowed down some possible suspects and think I should set up some appointments to go downtown and view them in person. I'm so nervous to fall in love with something and not be able to afford it or lose it because I can't foot the deposit for a few more months. But I'm going to have to get past that and start looking.

I'm now down 21 lbs and back into some of my old university pants. I've lost so much weight that my engagement ring keeps falling off. I guess we'll have to hurry and get our wedding set purchased before I lose the ring for good. That's a fearful thought!

Today, though, was productive. My bridesmaid, Jenny, has been insisting I try on wedding dresses for a while now. She has been frothing at the bit trying to get me in there. I don't know what size I am and I don't want to be this size when I buy my dress. But she was so excited so I thought, "well...we cant at least see what store I want to shop at when I buy my dress." so I pulled up two names of local stores and we were off. We foolishly had the girls with us so there was some amount of stress in trying to get things sorted out. Not to mention it was a Saturday and the store was really full! We were given 5 rings and sent on our way. I pushed and browsed and was saddened to see the dresses I could afford were....well there was a reason they were so cheap and on clearance. The dresses that were prettier were $$$$ way off course of my budget. My budget being $600 I knew this was a bad idea. Finally I found one dress that made me smile. It was almost twice my budget though. *Wimper* but we decided I should try it on and see how it looks before I completely rule it out.

It was gorgeous, it is gorgeous. After having searched through all the dresses, even the original dress that I fell in love with I think I found a winner. Now to lose another 20lbs and come back. As for the girls, they did pretty good all things considered. And Jenny's daughter was still running around the store in her dreams as you can see below.

Day 87 - You think I'm what?!

I'm now down 18.8 lbs and feeling smaller all the time. My friends wedding is coming up in a few days and I desperately need something appropriate to wear! I decided to go try to find something sexy yet formal for a winter wedding. While shopping for the dress I always knew I needed a new bathing suit for Jenny's daughter's birthday party at the pool the next day.

While shopping for the dress I asked for assistance. I explained I was trying to find something that said, "look at all the weight I have lost! Now look back at the bride please!" She held up an XLG and said, "This one is nice" and then gave me a sad face and said, "But it only comes in a small." I dropped my jaw, put my hand on my hip and said, "That's an XLG! And why don't you think I'd fit in a small. Or that particular XLG you're holding?!" She blushed and said, "oh sorry, the hanger is labeled wrong. I thought, "Even so, that dress could wrap around me three times!"

Maybe I'm not as small as I think I am. I decided, for the moment, to focus on the bathing suit. I also decided to grab some more tights. I put on my ensemble in the changing room and laughed outloud. My bridesmaid, Ryan, who was shopping with me asked what was so funny. I snapped this picture and explained, "I look like one of those girls from the 80's aerobic videos.

Later I did find a sexy knit dress at another store but nothing really shook the fact that she held up this huge dress and gave me a piteous look that it would never fit me.

Day 85 - Hippie Bride for sure

Today my bridesmaid, Jenny, and I went in to start up my registry. If I had a registry at this location before a certain date I'd get a set of flutes for free. $15 value. So why not. I was supposed to go in to the other to get a free $25 gift card for their store but we didn't make it in before they were closed. But there is always next year.

While we were talking to the registry representative he looked at me and said, "Flowerchild/hippie?" I opened my eyes and said, "yeah. that's what I'm going for." he said, "I'm getting that vibe from you." I laughed but later said to my friend, "really? how?" It's not like I was standing their in a tunic with daisies in my hair or anything. I was dressed quite conservatively with my long hair pulled into a ponytail. I guess I just scream hippie. Maybe it was different things I was talking about. I don't think I mentioned the environment or animal rights. But there must have been something in my tone that screamed, "I'm a hippie and proud of it!"

Then Jenny and I ran around the store scanning anything and everything that I would want. We treated it like a shopping spree with infinite possibilities. If I was allowed to load a truck up with anything and not have to pay a cent what would I take. I'll take one of these *beep* and two of these *beep* *beep* and if these didn't work out I would just bring them back *beep*.