Day 559 - Movie Nights

Day 2 of our wedding day movie night countdowns and our movie tonight was a charming little movie called Our Family Wedding. A movie, I felt, combined 3 or 4 "done before" movies to come up with something new while still being predictable. I think my favorite wedding related part would have to be the guest list and seating chart section of the movie. Who to invite, the expectations of your family on who to invite and where they can and can not sit. It is funny that throughout your entire planning experience people will repeatedly tell you, "it's your big day, you shouldn't be obligated to invite anyone." yet in the end you are. If you do not invite those obligated people then you will suffer more later if not during the wedding.
The seating chart was the best displayed aspect. It took me back to my careful seating of everyone onto little paper tables and imagining who would kill who and who would get find a new friend in someone else. Trying to find a seat for the wedding party guests where they didn't know anyone except their significant other.
Like a special game of musical chairs where the stakes are higher than just ending up without a chair.

I went into the movie with low expectations because of it's low imdb rating. But with the warmth and familiarity with the wedding planning I could appreciate it. Weddings are complicated things but sometimes they must occur or else the family will feel they were given a rough deal. Then often times family is the first to forget who the big day is for and make it all about them. This only creates unnecessary drama and stress for a marrying couple.

Still I do not regret the whole experience, I find it to be a great opportunity to learn who your real friends are, who really has your back when the chips are down and how far people will go to put their wants above your needs.

This movie captured that quite well while still having a soft sweet core.

I believe the next movie is Bride and Prejudice. I have heard good things about that one.

<3 your hippie bride

Day 557 - Movie nights

With only 55 days left before our wedding I thought maybe we should watch some of the best wedding movies out there. Today's movie being "My Best Friend's Wedding" I don't know if I'm set myself up here. As I remember it I found the movie to be a tad frustrating and I wanted her gay friend to turn out to be straight after all. Something that would later happen in Jason Brigg's film "My Best Friend's Girl" hmmmm wonder if there is a relation to that result?

In any event, it was not the case and Julia Roberts is ... left... well I won't ruin the ending for you, although really, if you are reading a wedding blog I'd hope that you had watched some of the better known wedding movies.

I'll know tomorrow whether the movie choice for tonight was in poor favor of our moods.

<3 your hippie bride. 

Day 536 - Musical Chairs

I don't know that you would classify last nights dream as a nightmare or just a restless nights.

You ever have one of those nights where you dream you are studying, cleaning or doing homework all night and wake up feeling as though that is what you did all night instead of sleeping? Well that's what last night was.

There have been some guest list changes, as indicated by my posts over the past few days. With these changes some rearranging must be done for optimum enjoyment. Betty Sue can't sit anywhere near Cousin Sam because he once walked in on her in the shower. *AWKWARD* but Cousin Sam would want to sit near Alfred who is best friends and has flirtations with Betty Sue. Playing the seating arrangement game is similar to Tetris. You are not only trying to place them in the perfect fit but every now and then you have that awkward z shaped guest who only fits in 2 or 3 ideal locations without fudging up the works.

With some guests unable to come now and extra guests having been invited, it's time to play musical chairs. I wasn't too worried about it, thus it not being a nightmare, but it is high on my to-do list and apparently my brain has been processing it.

What amused me most about last nights dream was the combination of seating chart, reserved seats in the front with the possibility of that one surprise guest and the extra guests people keep inviting. This is how it went down.

I had the grooms men at the front with fancy clipboards DIY'd to be pretty and bridal. They would ask the guest for their name, check the list and if they were to sit in a reserved seat then one of the groomsmen without a clipboard would usher them to their seat. If they were simply one side of the room or the other they ushered them to that side of the room and the guest chose their own seat. If they were not on the list it was very high security. "I'm afraid I do not see you here on the list. Are you sure you wouldn't be under another name?" then they would put their finger to their ear and turn their head away from the guest like a presidential security squad and say, "Let me check with our bride. Yes, Gena, we have a Frankie Smith here but I do not see him on the --- uh huh, okay. That's what I thought." turn back to the guest and say, "No I'm sorry sir, you were not invited to this wedding." "But betty sue brought me!" "well I'm afraid Betty Sue has done you an injustice. If you wish here is a map of locations in the city where you can visit for the next 4 hours before the open dance."

Finally the extra special evil guest who not only is not invited but whom we have a peace bond against and has been instructed on several occasions in a formal manner to cease all communication with us. She showed in a video game style episode. It became an arial view of the ceremony location and her weapons showed above her head to let us know that she came armed with a pitchfork, knife and blowtorch. She first began by setting the headtable on fire, immediately put out by the best man as she swung around and lit 4 other tables on fire. Two groomsmen and the groom himself jumped her while the best man began putting out those tables. Meanwhile the Maid of honor were calling the police and they eventually showed to drag her away. It's funny in a sad way that I have had a similar dream about this guest going way back to my childhood. She was such a horrid person my entire life that I used to have dreams of her ruining my wedding back before I had ever been kissed. She would throw wine at me and I always ended up punching her in the face. The biggest change as years have gone by is that she is actually not allowed near me now and I have a group of security officials (tee hee) who will ensure that it does not happen.

Although I have been sent e-mails to tell me that she plans to attend with or without an invite, I am ensuring that does not happen. Perhaps I will start talking about my wedding location and time in detail to throw her off the scent. She won't know whether the location I speak of is the actual location or if I'm tricking her.

By the end of the dream we were trying to make room for guests in our tiny apartment. As we mushed furniture against the wall and rearranged our whopping 6 chairs I said, "wait....we booked a venue to take care of this for us!" and that's when I woke up thinking, "this is so incredibly foolish that it must be a dream.

The end result is me sitting down with my bridal bible and revamping my seating chart. I feel I should turn it into a digital copy so changes can be quicker if necessary. Maybe I will ax my pretty diy seating chart since changes keep being made.

<3 your hippie bride

Day 535 - Guest lists are for wussies

When I started the "engaged" chapter of my life I received many congrats and even more advice. The one piece of advice I received the most is the one piece of advice I scoffed at the most. Here are some statements I heard about guest lists over the past 535 days:

"Oh the guest list! What a pain! Try not to put too much of your heart into it because most people won't appreciate your consideration in the end."  

"About 90% will RSVP attending and about 60% of those will actually show up. What a waste of your money! I wish you luck." 

"My guest list caused me so much trouble I wish I had just eloped." 

"I don't regret my wedding or having gone through with it. I do wish I had had a potluck wedding and just put it out there that whoever the hell wanted to show could show. But I'm sure that would have pissed someone off too. You can't win with the guest list so don't try."

"Guest list? I threw out some names and hoped for the best. I ended up having mostly people neither me nor my husband knew there. I'd say of our guest list 30% were people we had invited and the rest were friends that those guests had invited without telling us!" 

"Oh what a headache! If you ever need proof that you can't please everyone you'd find it in the guest list at a wedding. In fact I am pretty sure you can displease most with a guest list. Everyone feels entitled or overlooked no matter what you do. Just don't expect anyone to show and thank everyone that does come, whether you invited them or not." 

"Guest lists and seating charts. They still haunt me and we've been married for 10 years now! I remember paying close attention to where I sat everyone because both our families were in year long fights. After all my painful efforts to ensure everyone got a seat next to someone they cared about it was horrible. People showed that we had not invited, the people who were to sit between those who hated each other ... they didn't show. And what's worse is that people stood around at the seating chart fighting rather than taking their seats away from each other. If I could do it over again I'd have just a simple ceremony, blow everyone a kiss and hop in a limo headed for the airport!" 

I never listened. I always said, "oh no... that won't happen to me. I'm going to make sure." I convinced myself that these brides just weren't as organized as me. I convinced myself that they had gone in with extra assumptions or hadn't stood firm on their desires for their wedding day. In some cases I may have been right. But when I offer advice for the next bride to be it's going to be this, "The moment you begin your guest list make sure you have a prescription for Valium because every time that phone rings you are going to look at the caller id in fear that it is his family or yours calling to tell you how you did them wrong, how you failed them, how they are far more important than anyone else on your guest list."

Perhaps the most surprising part for me is just how entitled a lot of guests can get. They all have some reason why they feel they are more important than anyone else on your guest list and because of that they should be allowed to:
RSVP at the last minute, invite 3 extra guests without telling you, change their mind 3 or 4 times, call you at midnight to insist you should have some other meal options or better yet tell you, "I know that you are offering fish or vegetarian but we've been friends for years, so I know you won't mind making mine a juicy steak!"
Yes... they are serious, they believe that above all others they are the most important person at your wedding. Maybe even more important than you!

The good news is this, I also heard plenty of drama stories about bridal parties being nasty and all about themselves. I have to say that although a handful of guests have made the whole experience interesting my bridal party have been strong and true through the entire 535 days and then some.

Better yet they each have their roles in keeping me from sending anthrax out with some extra invites to more snotty guests. I have to say I have the perfect balance of nice and firm with my bridal party.

Maid of honor - She's the super sweet one when it comes to family. Whenever a guest is a family member she is there to keep me soft when I need to be soft and feel like throwing daggers. But she is also willing to nod when the family member is being crazy and say, "nope, you are allowed to throw daggers at that one. Ax that invite!"

Bridesmaids - I have one bridesmaid who is family and she is the one who knows without any backstory what I grew up with. Therefore when I have a dilema that needs immediate advise without taking the time to explain a backstory it would be her I call. My other Bridesmaid has already been a bride and knows a bit about the planning fun and the wedding drama. Through her I channel my etiquette concerns through her and ask what she did in certain situations.

Best Man - He's not just David's best man he's both of our best man! Aside from David he's the only man that's been around since the beginning and still is. He's been around more than my own family (which isn't saying much but still) he's the one I call when I am frusterated with David and need an ear I know won't hold it against David. He's also the one I call when I need the opposite reaction from my Maid of Honor. My Maid of Honor is the softy with family and sometimes you need someone who is tough. He is less likely to soften for just anyone and so I know when he does that maybe I should loosen up on them a little bit.

As per my posts from the past, if it weren't for my bridal party I think there would be a few shallow graves or at the very least the guest list would be a fraction of what it is. I don't regret any of this, I just wish some of my guests would stop and realize this wedding is about us and that's not them! I guess my advice would not be for a future bride-to-be but instead to her guests. My advice is:

Dear Guest,
When you feel looked over, second-fiddle or unappreciated stop and ask yourself: "How big is her guest list? How many people is she trying to please right now?" And when you find yourself feeling upset that you have to spend $200 on a hotel just to go to her wedding and you feel she should pay for your accommodations or give you a steak instead of a haddock, ask yourself: "How much money did she put into this wedding so everyone could have a good time? Can I afford to go? Should I send a nice present instead of going and talk to her personally so she knows it's nothing personal but that I can't afford $200 plus travelling cost?" If you find yourself thinking, "they won't mind if I bring my best friend. After all I am their cousin/friend of 6 years/father/mother/sister/brother/uncle/aunt/ex-boyfriend and/or I am travelling a long distance to attend their wedding." perhaps you should ask yourself, "How many of their guests have they been friends with for a long time? How many of their guests are traveling a long distance? How many of their friends are family of some way or another? If all of us feel the same entitlement to bring uninvited guests how many uninvited guests will be at their wedding?"

As a bride-to-be all we ask is for a little patience, understanding and respect. Be patient if we don't get to you right away when you send us a message about our wedding. Understand that we can't give everyone everything they want and respect that in some cases we don't give everyone everything they want because it's not what we want for our wedding! Give us this and we will do our very best to do the same at your wedding if you invite us. We are sorry if your haddock is too dry on the wedding day, we didn't cook it, but we did pay for it so you could have something to eat. We are sorry you prefer red wine and we ordered white. We don't like wine at all but ordered something we thought our guests might enjoy or be grateful for. We are sorry we didn't get to give you a one-on-one dance, there was only time for 40 dances and we had 80 guests. Please, before you get upset, ask yourself if you are being singled out or if in fact you are expecting a tad too much from one person.


Thank you so much in advance,
<3 your hippie bride...she is trying.

Day 532 - There's one in every family

How do you kindly ask your guests to keep all details of your wedding a secret? How do you approach explaining that? Do you follow up with answers to their possible questions?

I don't mind the date being known, it is more the location and time that I am worried about getting out. Why would this bride worry about that? It is quite simple actually. I am worried about the worst form of wedding crasher imaginable. The saboteur, antagonist, angel of darkness. The one who would walk in and do everything possible to destroy your wedding until the police arrived.

There is a solid rumor with some amount of ground to it that this particular person plans on arriving at my wedding. This would tragically effect the entire day in ways unbelievable to most!

It would start with her arriving at the wedding ceremony. She would probably time it so that she walked in as  the ceremony was ongoing. She would come in wearing a white outfit and insult me among the guests. If she decided to arrive before or after the ceremony she would spend her time hollering fictional tales about the bride, knocking over decorations, trashing everything she could and potentially throwing a staining beverage at the bride's dress and/or attempting to instigate a physical altercation with the bride and the resulting brawl.

Of course we would kick her out, however...how do you keep one out and how do you salvage your wedding after those events?

Long story short, it is absolutely necessary that she not learn when and where I am to be wed.

Maybe I was too calm and the storm is to be huge!

<3 your nervous hippie bride

Day 531 - Nightmares again?

Interestingly enough last nights wedding nightmare involved something I am not in charge of. Last night I had a terrible nightmare that David's stag night had not been planned at all and that the night before I threw together a quick event on facebook. Inviting all his male buddies and in some cases their wives figuring the wives could come hang out with me. Only one person was able to attend. He came, brought his wife (who is pregnant) and we all hung out drinking. David felt brokenhearted that few had shown and I woke shaking my head.
The good news is I am not having nightmares about things I'm directly involved with right now so perhaps my inner bride is feeling completely in control. :)

With 81 days left I am finalizing those last details and chasing down those few last RSVP's so we can finalize our guest list once and for all.

<3 your hippie bride

Day 529 - Calm waters

It's amazing, a few weeks ago I was stressing about all those extra details and now here I am waking up each morning just excited to be getting married in 2 months. It's hard to believe that in 83 days I will marry my best friend. Have I said that too much lately? It's starting to sound redundant over here but as redundant as it may sound it feels new each morning.

There are still a few things that pop up to stress me but for the most part it is simply other people's roles now that I am dealing with. Speakers, speeches, readings, vows... just a lot of words put together and of course our first dance as husband and wife.

We met with the Justice of the Peace yesterday to arrange the order of the ceremony, readings and vows. Having that sorted out now I am focused on writing my thank you speech for the bridal party and those close to us.

We have solved the extra guests problem and don't have to worry about turning people away at the door. A great sigh of relief for all.

• 19 days left until I run the marathon
• 22 days left until my bridal shower
• 25 days left until my first dress fitting
• 26 days left until I protest Prop 8 with my daughter
• 29 days left until my daughter's 3rd birthday 

So many things I have to accomplish in the next few weeks it's a little overwhelming. You'd think I'd be at my wits end. Instead, I'm living in the now. I know, looking ahead, that in 2 weeks I AM going to be stressed, tired and overwhelmed....probably easy to weep. But I feel that there is nothing I can do to spread those days further apart and so I will instead take a deep breath and enjoy the now. Focusing mainly on training for that marathon. Train, train train! In the next week I will be running 5km every second day on a flat stretch. The next week I will start running that 5km up a hill every second day. The final 5 days I will spread out getting only 2 days in. The focus then will be on sleep since the marathon will be early in the morning.

The bridal shower I don't have to stress too much about personally. I simply have to be able to walk after the marathon.

The dress fitting should take care of itself, with all that running I should be in prime shape....here's the hope.

The protest will be a pretty simple activity too, simply remembering to get there on time and with the beast in good spirits.

Lastly her birthday, perhaps the only part I have to prepare for. I am hoping for good weather so we can have it at the playground this year. This will reduce the amount of preparing within my home. I have a small dwelling and if there are any more than 5 adults here it gets very crowded very fast.
Having it at the playground will require some transportation planning on our part and getting the cake there etc. But I feel that will be much better than trying to make room in our own little itty bitty apartment.

Frustratingly we are still waiting for some RSVP's but considering how many are left it's not too bad in the grand scheme of things. Only 9.5% have not RSVP'd and 2 of those told us they were going...they just haven't carved it in stone yet.

I guess I should get back to some DIY projects with this 2 week break I have. But first.... some meditation while I still can.

<3 your peaceful hippie bride